From: Covenant@yabbs
To: all@yabbs
Subject: and again
Date: Thu Jun 30 02:56:11 1994

She sees me.
I thought I was hidden, but she can see me.
Maybe I'm just flattering myself. 
Maybe I'm just afraid to admit that I'm normal.
To think that I don't shine-out and blind everyone scares the hell out of me.

When I was a child, I thought I was the only real one.
The world was mine. Just a figment of my imagination.
Everyone at my beckoning.  Everyone to please me.
Everyone grows old.  Even me though it's hard to face. 
The fire doesn't necessarily die, but it sinks low.
Even one year changes a man tenfold.
Even one love changes a man forever.

Most of the time you can ignore change.
Shells and walls are easy to build.
Once they're up, you gain a certain familiarity.
Familiar ground is comfortable, safe.
It's an overused phrase, but a truth nonetheless.
Sometimes you wake up and look back at what's lost.

There are people I've loved and never said more that 2 sentences to.
But I'll babble with a complete stranger in a bar for hours.
Good friends and family are nice to have.
They think I've taken them for granted.
I haven't.  That's one thing I'll never do, even if they don't know it.
You know what kind of person you are.  Passionate, alive, curious.
Look at yourself through the eyes of those who know you.
I have.  I don't recognize myself.  Not a pitiful sight, just unexpected. 
They've always joked that I'd be the only one happy on a deserted island.
They're probably right, but that doesn't mean I prefer it.
Some things are just too comfortable.
Too safe.