From: TURTLE              
To: SCOTT STEEL         
Subject: Relationships  
Date & Time: 04/30/91 01:59:53
Message Number 16326

>It is pure foolishness to allow yourself to get very close to someone
>who has other lovers, you are virtually guaranteed to get hurt.
 
I can say with absolute conviction, based on years of personal
experience, that that statement is patently, iredeemably false. I am
quite proud of the fact that Kelly and I have not only outlasted most
marriages as a couple, but we also share more intimacy than anyone else
I have ever met, and we still behave like a couple of newbies--very
affectionate, you know? Well, guess what...we've both had other lovers.
Surprise! It's done a lot of good for us, too; I can honestly say we're
both more intimate with one another and more solidly together because of
it. Your statement sounds nice in theory, kind of like "you can only
love one person at a time" or "if s/he wants other lovers it must mean
I'm not adequate/not good enough/whatever"...all those statements that
sound so good because they reinforce preconceived ideas that have been
hammered into us since day one...but in the real world, it just ain't
so. Yes, you CAN get hurt in an open relationship. So what? You can get
hurt in a closed relationship. Yes, an open relationship can be abused.
So? So can any other type of relationship. But when it comes right down
to it, an open relationship is not "virtually guaranteed" not to work
by any stretch of the imagination, as long as it's put together in such
a way that no violation of trust occurs on either side. Is it really
that difficult to conceive of a situation where your partner can take
another lover without any violation of trust?