From: sienna@yabbs
To: all@yabbs
Subject: sex II
Date: Fri Aug 12 16:47:13 1994

As promised.....more on CONTRACEPTIVES....


                            THE DIAPHRAGM

Inserting one of these things requires the dexterity of a seasoned 
magician like David Copperfield. You might even want to ask David to help 
you, but chances are he's booked already. The mere THOUGHT of having to 
insert a diaphragm sneds many women off packing to the Convent. Most 
people don't realize that the diaphragm is manufactured by the same 
company who makes the Frisbee. Constructed of latex rubber with a spring 
action stronger than a mousetrap's, extreme caution should be taken when 
trying to insert it. Letting it slip before it's halfway in could result 
in the diaphragm shooting across the room and slicing your ficus tree in 
half. The wrost part is reaching your hand into what feel like a Giant 
Clam - a sensation about as pleasant as feeling dead fish. Probing along, 
your goal is to find the tip of the cervix. Once you're there (it seems 
like about 30 feet), your elbow may have disappeared. Now it is time to 
let go of the diaphragm's spring action, allowing it to snap into the 
correct position. Brace yourself against a wall because when you let go, 
the uterus will be absorbing shock waves of an intensity not felt since 
Hiroshima.

Physician's say the diaphragm has a high success rate of preventing 
pregnancy when used properly. Also, it must be removed within 12 hours 
after sexual relations. The bad news is that gettign it OUT makes putting 
it IN look like child's play. You have to go through all those *pleasant* 
sensations you did when inserting it, PLUS now you have to hook your 
finger around its delicate rim, greased up by the repeated applications of 
spermicidal jelly. A note of caution: fingernails are the diaphragm's 
worst nightmare. You can easily tear through the fragile latex with a 
well-manicured talon. And for heaven sakes, don't go after it wearing 
Lee's Press-On nails. Women have been known to lose an entire set of them 
and still fail to remove the diaphragm. This is also nearly, if not 
down-right impossible, to explain to a GYN. It's more embarrassing than 
having him try to retrieve your tampon because you lost the string during 
insertion. At least they see that in their practice all the time.....





This is rather crude and tasteless isnt it? *hehehe* If this offends 
anyone I apologize. I found it to be hysterically funny (somehow I dont 
think the men who read this board will share my views......)

Dee