PN>David was returning fire at Paul
PN> about .22 Rifle
PN> DRN> The airline would be very cross with you...
PN> Uh, airlines are always cross with me...
PN> "Take your hand off me."
PN> "Sit down until the plane comes to a complete stop.  I said SIT DOWN!"
PN> "No, that's the pilot's seat."
Don't give me lead-ins like this!
When Norm Heaton was Executive Vice President of the Parachute Club of
America (now USPA), and I was at the Defense Language School at
Monterey, he called me (you have to remember Norm was the original Okie
who came to Califormia)  -- "Hey, Vern, th' 'sociation's sendin' two
people to the pair-shoot meet in Phoenix next saddidy.  Yew wanna go?"
I showed up at the airport and checked my gear through (this was long
before metal detectors.) Then Norm comes in with a huge kit bag.
"Whure's your pair-shoots?"
"I checked them through."
"Yew checked your PAIR-SHOOTS!!  I ain't checkin' MINE!"
"Be reasonable, Norm.  They'll never let you carry all that stuff on the
plane."
"Wal, okay.  But I ain't checkin' mah insterements!!"  And he took his
reserve parachute out of the bag, with the instrument panel (altimeter
and stopwatch) attached.
Of course, it wouldn't go under the seat, and there was no room in the
overhead bin.  So there's Norm sitting there with his reserve parachute
in his lap.  Sitting next to him is a wuffo (as in "Hey, man, wuffo you
jump outta that airplane?")  The wuffo keeps looking at Norm's reserve
-- apparently attracted by the dials on the panel.
Finally, after we're off the ground, he says "What's that?"
And Norm gives him a smile that would have done credit to an angel and
says "Why, thet's a pair-shoot.  Dint they give YEW one?"
The wuffo tries to jump up, but his seat belt is still fastened.  He's
bouncing up and down going "Uh, uh!"  Just as the stewardess comes up,
he gets the buckle undone and falls into the aisle.  She takes him to
the galley.
A minute later, she comes back and grabs Norm's reserve -- "I'll take
that, sir!!  The pilot will give it back to you when we land."
And Norm didn't give her any argument at all. :-)
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