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From: "ronwaldyo" 
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Comments on-- Star Trek: Athena "In Fire" by Steve Oostrom


Orchids:

The battle with the Borg from First Contact worked being told from a
perspective of a ship other than the Enterprise.  I thought it was a good
way to introduce us to Thorpe and other members of the crew.

I liked how Act Two started out with Thorpe watching repairs on the Athena,
contrasting with the fast paced nature of Act One.

I like the relationship between Thorpe and Matsubara.  More than friends,
but not really a romantic relationship.

Overall, the relationships between the characters are very well done.  It
gave me a sense of who they were and gave a sense of a "crew"
rather than just a collection of characters in the same place.

I liked the section where Thorpe and his new first officer, Nadine Johnson,
walked about the empty ship.  I thought this was an interesting way to
introduce her and to have them learn about each other.

I liked the reference to Exo III.
Very nice. :)

While I do have questions about the unique nature of Emerelo II (see below)
I liked the unusual situation it set up and the way that presented the crew
with a
challenging first mission.

I really liked the in depth character descriptions you give us.  I get a
good sense of the characters from these.

I liked how Thorpe actually struggled with the idea of taking his ship into
the planet's atmosphere.  It wasn't simply shown to be the only solution
and then therefore that was what they'd do, end of discussion.  I liked how
Matsubara was the one who went to talk to him about this.  The relationship
between the two of them is something I'm looking forward to reading more
about in the further stories of the Athena.

I liked the contrast between Thorpe and his Ready Room.  Thorpe, a complex
man who thinks things through, yet his Ready Room he kept "basic and
simple."  The character is someone who keeps his wits about him, no
matter the turmoil around him, but he's not some unemotional machine. He
does struggle with things.


Onions:

While I understand the point of the trouble Thorpe has with command because
of how he views his parents' deaths, I didn't really feel that aspect of
Thorpe worked on an emotional level.  Storywise I think it works, but not
emotionally all that well.

While I like the character descriptions, I thought the long description of
the main lounge at the beginning of Act Three went on too long.  It seemed
to make the story pause to relate information that didn't affect the rest
of the tale being told. It might have worked better if it had been told
through the reactions one or more of the characters were having to it
instead of just straight description.
(The reactions of Thorpe and Rocha to Exo III did work as a way to describe
that world and at the same time told us about the characters.)

I thought the section in Act Four with Indesakar and Johnson in the
shuttlecraft went on a bit too long, but not overly so. On the other hand,
I would have liked to have seen more of them struggling with their
situation on the planet immediately after they transported down rather than
just end up with the others on the station.


Questions:

Wouldn't the magnetic field of Emerelo II have to be so strong to hold the
plasma field that no sort of electronic devices could function on the
planet surface?

Also, if the atmosphere was held in by the plasma field, wouldn't that mean
that most of the atmosphere would be at the upper levels and very little at
the surface, in an almost reverse setup to how it would be if it were held
in by gravity?

In Act Three you have the line:
"Yes, but the density of the
temperature is much higher."
What is temperature density?  How can temperature be more dense or less so?


Some Comments About the Athena version of Trek:

I wanted to also note that while at times I found some of the references to
the Odonans and their warp drive somewhat confusing, that I didn't think it
detracted from the story at all.  I also wanted to thank you for the
section of your website, "The Mission" that helped explain some
of the differences between your storyline and the standard Trek universe.

I didn't find your version of the Trek universe to be a problem on a
storytelling level.  It's an interesting take on Trek and I look forward to
reading the next story.

I don't object to a different version of the Trek universe as long as it
makes sense and holds to its own rules.  Your story does this quite well.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Overall I really liked this story.  It kept me engaged with the characters
and it surprised me at several points with the way it didn't take the
obvious route. It wasn't a "shoot-em up" action piece, but more
of a dire situation that brought out the nature of the characters and their
relationships.  I look forward to reading more of Captain Thorpe and the
Athena.

* * * * *

A quick note... I wanted to thank you Steve for including a link on your
site to my Dark Horizon site.  I will be adding a link to Star Trek: Athena
to my site's links page in the next day or so.

-Michael Gray
Star Trek: Dark Horizon
http://hometown.aol.com/darkhrzn91701/main.htm




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