Re: RE: BBBS ECHO
  By: Jeff Binkley to Earl Croasmun on Fri Sep 04 2015 05:48 am

 JB> Wayne's past tales of bravado were both colorful and entertaining, 
 JB> albeit generally mostly unbelievable.

Jim moved in with us in January 94.  Everything seemed allright until
he started telling these amazing stories of his "life".  At one point,
there was nothing that came out of his mouth that you could believe.  If
he would tell you that the sky was blue, you wouldn't buy it for a
second. Ever since a house "intervention", he has toned down the outragiousness
of his stories.  He was averaging a lie every other day but he's picking up
speed again.

This is a partial list of Jim's lies.  There has been absolutely no
embelishment on our part in documenting these lies.  These are stories
that Jim has really told us.  We couldn't make this stuff up!  Our
comments are in brackets.

                            THE LIES OF JIM

1.      His family founded the Episcopalian Church in the something-hundreds.
        Believability Factor:  4

2.      His great-grandfather designed the Long Island Tunnel.  B.F.  3

3.      His ancestors 'founded' the Declaration of Independence.  B.F.  1

4.      He won 50,000 dollars in the California Lottery and donated 20,000
        of it to a young girl with AIDS.  His bank, as luck would have it,
        lost his money, and that's why he's in the midst of a legal battle
        with them at this time.  That's also why his checks always bounce.
        B.F.  0

5.      176 of the 177 people in his high school graduating class from
        Pleasant Valley High School are dead from either auto accidents,
        drugs, American conflicts overseas or heart attacks.  B.F.  -2

6.      He won 500 dollars in a South Lake Tahoe comedy competition.  People
        told him to get off stage because they were laughing so hard.  B.F.  1
        (It gets better...)

7.      He has a date for Friday with the checkout girl at Albertson's.  B.F.
        (This guy is trash, man...)

8.      He bought some chicken at the store.  B.F.  Anybody's guess
        (But only after he stuck his tongue down the checkout girl's throat.)

9.      He saved a child from a burning wreckage auto accident yesterday on
        I-80.  B.F.  0
        (It's a small world--the girl he saved is the sister of the girl with
        AIDS in lie #11, who is Pete Wilson's illegitimate daughter by
        screwage of his Philipino Maid.  Jim is threatening to go to the
        authorities with his information, but is having second thoughts about
        the whole thing becauseit'slikelythatbyreleasingthiskindofinformation-
        tothepresstheendresultwillbebeyondourcontrolandtherewillbenothingyou-
        orIwillbeabletodoaboutthetotalandsystematicdestrutionoftthisfree-
        demoracticgovernementHehasinformationinhighplacesyouknowHisfatherwas-
        intheFBIwellthatisafterthemeetingwiththeAngolanbutthatisanotherstory-
        initself...)

10.     He won the case against his bank and they now owe him 300,000 dollars
        as opposed to the 50,000 they allegedly lost.  B.F.  -4
        (This seemingly unlikely increase can be attributed to inflation, the
        devaluation of the Yen on the Ethiopian market and the contradiction
        of one's self, respectively.)

11.     He gave 100,000 of it to a little girl with AIDS, as opposed to the
        20,000 he had given before when he was only one-third as rich.  B.F.-7

12.     The stack of magazines with photos of naked men and boys is actually
        his neice's.  Uh-huh.

13.     Grew up in Thailand.  B.F.  4


14.     Got his girlfriend, Doreen, and her daughter, Laila, to eat insects,
        cuz that's what Jim ate in Thailand.  B.F.  +10

15.     The reason that we haven't been getting the Chronicle lately is
        because this kid comes around every morning about 4:30 A.M. and takes
        it for purposes we can only imagine. Note:  He's apparently still up
        to it, because we haven't gotten a paper in a month.

16.     Quote:  "Everything I've said is absolutely true, and I can prove it!"

17.     Didn't take the fifteen dollars of change from Mike's bottle of poker
        money.  B.F.  0.25 x 10-6

18.     The green decorative elephant in our living room was hand-made in
        Thailand and is worth 1000 dollars.  B.F. 1
        ('Tis said that it is solid Jade hand-picked by the agrarian hill
        people of Galbion. That's a medievel English town I just made up.)
--- SBBSecho 2.27-Win32