"Hyerdahl"  wrote in message
news:1111154807.313737.38840{at}g14g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
> You know you were raised in the World Wide Church of God if .....
>
> Your father called your mother a Babylonian whore because she niether
> attended services nor allowed him to force the children to go.
>
> Your father once punched your mother in the stomach for buying a pie
> shell made with lard.
>
> Your mother was a drunk, a drug addict, and the sane parent. You and
> your siblings quaked if she had to work late.
>
> You hid all the books you had to read for Advanced Placement literature
> in a hole in the attic so your father wouldn't find them.
>
> Your father believed the bible intended men to be dominant.
>
> Per church teachings your father assumed total control of the family
> finances resulting in the loss of the house and the car, but believing
> "God will provide." your father refused to leave the family home till
> you were evicted by local authorities.
>
> Your father tithed 30% of his income to the church and your mother sent
> you to stay with relatives for months at a time, sometimes relatives
> that were on welfare, so you and your siblings wouldn't go hungry.
>
> You worried for years that the church was right and Saint Nicholas
> really was a child molester.
>
> You can't look at a Valentines' card without picturing it as womans'
> butt turned upside down.
>
> Year after year, you, your siblings and your mother put up the
> christmas tree by yourselves only to have your father shove it over (it
> never looked the same once you got it back up off the floor) and refuse
> to allow the family to listen to christmas music of any kind.
>
> Your father stood behind the christmas gift giving scene muttering
> about how his family was all going to hell, except you both knew the
> word hell only means hole and you can't suffer throught eternity
> without everlasting life and that's reserved for the saved.
>
> You hid make-up inside a public statue halfway between your house and
> your school and you knew where every public restroom with good
> facilities for washing up were in the entire town.
>
> Your father refused to go your younger sisters' flute recital despite
> the fact that she had a solo because it was scheduled for after sundown
> friday.
>
> Your father missed your older sisters' wedding because the time
> conflicted with services.
>
> You thought divorced women were widows.
>
> Your mother decided sewing would be a nice hobby after your father
> forbid her to buy you and your siblings any clothes all  ever again
> upon your 16th birthday because he wanted to increase his tithe.
>
> Your father, the same man who refused to clothe his own children, went
> to the houses of local "widows" at least once a week to take money,
> food, clothing for their children, do household repairs, and yardwork.
>
> Your father frequently intoned at the dinner table "Things are bad and
> they' re gonna get worse."
>
> You once got revenge on your father by ordering crab at a restuarant
> when his minister was treating in an effort to recruit your mother.
>
> The only vacation your mother ever got was going along for the cock-a
> mamie holy days and struggling to get out of listening to the sermons.
>
> Your mother and at least one of your siblings will not enter a house of
> worship for a wedding or even a funeral. They have requested that their
> bodies never enter any sort of sanctuary when they die.
>
> You still worry that the Pope is the anti-christ and nobody is doing
> anything about it.
>
> You still can't bring yourself to serve pork in your home.
>
> Your fathers' favorite admonition was "Someday your day will come and
> then you'll be sorry." and unlike your friends you knew he was
> referring to judgement day.
>
> You were told women should only be able to get and use birth control
> with their husbands' permisssion.
>
> The minister told your father that most colleges were full of
> communists and sexual perverts. So, you had to move out of your parents
> home at age 18 because your father kept hiding your books, stomping
> your alarm clock, etc. Complete lack of financial support of any kind
> resulted in a 6 year period to complete a bachelors' degree despite the
> fact you generally maintained a minimum GPA of no less than 3.5.
>
> Your father once prayed so long over thanksgiving dinner, his sister --
> your most peaceful, soft-hearted aunt, flew into a rage and cussed him,
> his minister and the turkey.
>
> Only one person at school understood you, the boy whose family also
> attended the Worldwide Church of God services.  The two of you relieved
> tension by spreading a rumor around school that your Dads' were having
> a homosexual affair. You'd stand by your open locker and sigh "I just
> hope Mama doesn't find out. It would just rip her apart." Each of you
> struggling not to burst out laughing.
>
> After overhearing your mother attempt to force your father to
> acknowledge your birthday, he once stormed into your bedroom, threw a
> generic birthday card at you and called you a greedy, worthless brat.
>
> You weren't allowed to dance.
>
> Your father attempted to forbid you to pursue higher education stating
> that the church taught that a womans' place in life was to be married
> to one of the faithful. The best part about moving out of your parents
> house was not having to meet anymore of the church bachelors your
> father sprung on you including one that freely admitted he thought it
> was within a husbands' holy rights to hit his wife.
>
> When you moved out on your own your father questioned why a single
> woman would want to live alone and asked you point blank if you were
> involved in prostitution.
>
> Your father made it such a habit to break into your apartment and
> search for "evidence" You had to pick up the phone in his presence,
> call the pollice and ask how to file a warrant.
>
> Your father once fired warning shots in the air behind two classmates
> who were attempting to get you to sneak out to an end of term school
> party. He then forced them to call the police and report themselves for
> attempting to break into his house.
>




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