To:
From: "Steve Oostrom"
Reply-To: trekcreative{at}yahoogroups.com
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I read what little there is of this story. It doesn't say much, but then
i= t's not the full
story, just the teaser and part of act one. Unlike Jay, I don't mind
start= ing at the
beginning. I can see his point within a single story, but I'm presuming
th= at this is
a series and it is appropriate to introduce the characters and get us a cha= nce to
meet them. Since Serendipity and Thomas are likely to be the main characte= rs
in this story, if not the series, then it is appropriate that we see the me= eting.
There are some questions. Presumably, these two had to qualify for Starfle= et
Academy and take entrance exams and the like. No mention of this was made
in the story, but presumably, it will come out.
Personally, I think that Starfleet Academy would be a bit more organized
wh= en it comes
to dorm assignments. I don't think first-year cadets have any say in this.=
They get
the room and the roommate assigned to them and they can't do much about tha= t.
I don't think that there would be lineups.
Where did the name "Demeter" come from. Around these parts
(southern Ontar= io),
it's the last name of a notorious murderer. Sometimes, ship names can
stri= ke you in
funny ways until you learn the reason behind it. It's the same with the
Ch= amberlain
from "Dark Horizon." When I first saw the name, I thought
"Neville Chamber= lain,"
and not somebody from the American civil war. Given that one Chamberlain d= oes
not stand out above all the others, it might not be an appropriate name for=
a starship
(but that is personal preference).
As for the battle between the freighter and the Dominon attack ship, I'd
ha= ve to reserve
judgement until I learn more about it. It is possible that the freighter
m= ight have been
able to simply survive the attack, or else it pulled off a tricky,
unexpect= ed manoeuvre.
Finally, I noticed one glaring editing mistake:
...with the exception of the Vulcan's who just waited...
I'm wondering... the Vulcan's what? His father? His friend? His
girlfrien= d? His pet?
What is it with people using the apostrophe to indicate the plural? I see
= this mistake over
and over again, on memos at work, at signs that the public reads and I even=
saw it once
in a newspaper. If one or two people did it, it's a careless mistake, but
= so many people
doing it makes it annoying. Years ago, I never saw that. I wonder if it
i= s because of
computers that would not flag "Vulcan's" as a mistake, either
spelling or g= rammar.
It's just something that is annoying to me (and of course, this might be
th= e aftereffect
of watching someone write "receipt's" and telling me that's the
proper spel= ling of the
plural).
Steve
The Universe Unbounded.
Visit "Star Trek: Athena" at http://ussathena.iwarp.com
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I read what little there is of
this story.
It
doesn't say much, but then it's not the full
story, just the teaser and part of
act one.
Unlike Jay, I don't mind starting at the
beginning. I can see his
point within a
single story, but I'm presuming that this is
a series and it is appropriate to
introduce the
characters and get us a chance to
meet them. Since
Serendipity and Thomas are
likely to be the main characters
in this story, if not the series, then it is
appropriate that we see the meeting.
There are some
questions. Presumably, these
two had to qualify for Starfleet
Academy and take entrance exams and the
like.
No mention of this was made
in the story, but presumably, it will come
out.
Personally, I think that Starfleet
Academy would
be
a bit more organized when it comes
to dorm assignments. I don't think
first-year
cadets have any say in this. They get
the room and the roommate assigned
to them and
they
can't do much about that.
I don't think that there would be
lineups.
Where did the name "Demeter" come
from. Around these parts (southern
Ontario),
it's the last name of a notorious
murderer.
Sometimes, ship names can strike you in
funny ways until you learn the reason behind
it. It's the same with the Chamberlain
from "Dark
Horizon." When I first saw the
name, I thought "Neville Chamberlain,"
and not somebody from the American civil
war.
Given that one Chamberlain does
not stand out above all the
others, it might not
be
an appropriate name for a starship
(but that is personal
preference).
As for the battle between the
freighter and the
Dominon attack ship, I'd have to reserve
judgement until I learn
more about it.
It is possible that the freighter might have been
able to simply survive the attack,
or else it
pulled off a tricky, unexpected manoeuvre.
Finally, I noticed one glaring editing
mistake:
...with the exception of the Vulcan's who just waited...
I'm wondering... the Vulcan's
what? His
father? His friend? His girlfriend? His
pet?
What is it with people using the
apostrophe to
indicate the plural? I see this mistake over
and over again, on memos at work,
at signs that
the
public reads and I even saw it once
in a newspaper. If one
or two people did it,
it's a careless mistake, but so many people
doing it makes it
annoying. Years ago, I
never saw that. I wonder if it is because of
computers that would not flag
"Vulcan's" as a
mistake, either spelling or grammar.
It's just something that is
annoying to me (and of
course, this might be the aftereffect
of watching someone write
"receipt's" and telling
me that's the proper spelling of the
plural).
Steve
The Universe
Unbounded.
Visit "Star Trek: Athena" at http://ussathena.iwarp.com;">http://ussathena.iwarp.comhttp://ussathena.iwarp.com">http://ussathena.iwarp.com;
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