In article ,
 "Hyerdahl"  wrote:

> greg1199{at}yahoo.com wrote:
> > Jim wrote:
> >
> > >
> > >>
> > I believe you offered to pay because you felt obligated to pay, and
> > like you would not be a gentleman unless you paid.
>
> Sure.  Social custom seems to encourage that.  And, I suppose it
> depends on who does the ask-out.  It's easy to make things clear, if
> one person says, "I'd love to buy you a cup of coffee..."  
Or, "let's
> go dutch for dinner and drinks..."  That way there are no surprises.

You really do love to rag on that "asker pays and
it's the guy who usually asks out, wink" routine, eh?

I think the original poster did say that he suggested
coffee and she tried to milk him for drinks.  Also,
in many cases, there is no 'asker out'.  If the
man is talking to a woman he met in a personal ad
and says "I'd love to meet you" and they just
happen to wind up in a coffee shop, he's not
responsible for her order anymore than if you meet
a friend at a marina and she decides to buy a boat.

> (edit)>
> > I offer a suggestion.  When you would normally ask for the check, ask
> > for separate checks.  In about two seconds, you absolve yourself of
> her
> > obligation, and there is really no way she can argue.  This gives her
> > no time to fumble through her purse and pretend to have nothing.
>
> Well, you _could_ do that, but chances are, if it's just coffee or a
> drink, she'll think you're cheap and not go out with you again.

HAHAHAHA!

You kind of proves the point I made in another post:
How is a person to judge another as "cheap" when they're
out to skim them for free drinks?  (I hate paranoid people.
They always lock their doors when they go out making
it difficult for me to steal from them. :-)

>  And,
> when women do the inviting, they too should be clear, i.e. "I'd love to
> buy you a cup of coffee", or "let's meet for coffee, my treat".

This is an example of your intellectual dishonesty:
For women looking for "non-cheap" men, they won't
ask out the man precisely because they want
him to show her his generosity.

> > Of course, she probably won't like that, but it doesn't really matter
> > if she likes it.  You like it.  It's best to have an attitude that
> > you'll do as you like, and she can take or leave it.
>
> The reality of the situation isn't as clear cut as Greg wants it to
> seem.  If you really like the person, you may not want to let her know
> you're cheap, right off the bat.  :-)

Ironically, many of the career women who were so desperate
as to date me exposed their motives very early in
the relationship with their questions "what kind
of car do you drive?"  "When do you want to have children?"
I wonder how many of these women blew off incredible
men because of their callousness and "cheapness" themselves.
They ultimately wound up having to settle for "sexists"
assuming, of course, they reproduced at all.

>  For example, I'm quite sure Dave
> Sim bought Deni Loubert a few cups of coffee before she divorced him
> upon finding out what a sexist he really is.

regards,
Mark Sobolewski


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