-=> Quoting Sondra Ball to Robin Arnhold <=-
Hi, Sondra,
 
 RA>I'd say 25 would be the earliest and older more common--mid to late
 >thirties.  I'm an entirely different person than I was at 25, did an
 >awful lot of changing in my thirties.  When I look back at some of things
 >I did when I was young, I'm quite embarrassed.  Of course, I still have a
 >tendency to shoot myself in the foot big time on occasions.
 SB> 
 SB> I'm not at all convinced that the tendency to shoot oneself in the
 SB> foot comes from a traumatic childhood.  I think it comes from being
 SB> human. I've noticed it's a rather universal trait.  Even folks from
 SB> nearly ideal pasts do it.
Hmm, I suppose that could apply to what I was thinking of, which is my
tendency to occasionally act out of my negative and childish self in a
really obnoxious way (most of the time it just makes me shy and
unadventurous).  It is true that everybody has one of those selves hiding
out in the closet whether or not they had a traumatic childhood.  Mine
was definitely shaped by my childhood.
 
 SB> I read a study done recently (one of those longitudinal studies that
 SB> follows a groups of kids from infancy well into adulthood).  They said
 SB> that the kids that had abusive situations in the home that had adults
 SB> they were close to outside the nuclear family were far more apt to
 SB> grow up into normal adults than those who did not.  Apparently, it's
 SB> not the presence of physical and emotional abuse that is most damaging
 SB> to a child.  It's the absence of love and positive adult role models. 
 SB> There were some kids with horrendous childhoods who came out quite OK. 
 SB> Every one of those "at risk" kids that made it in the study had a
 SB> grandparent, an aunt or uncle, or an adult neighbor who took a special
 SB> and long range interest in the child.  In some cases, the child was *at
 SB> risk* because of situations happening over which the family had no
 SB> control: extreme neighborhood violence, multiple deaths of family
 SB> members, etc.  Again, it was those children who had on-going close
 SB> relationships, either inside or outside the nuclear home, that were
 SB> most apt to make it. 
 SB> I'm not sure we have cause and effect totally correct here, however. 
 SB> I think love *is* essential for healthy growth in children.  But, in
 SB> reality, it is precisely those kids who are empathetic and kind who
 SB> are most apt to find long term loving support outside the family.  So,
 SB> maybe, the kids who are going to make it through the traumas do so
 SB> because they make the choices that cause others to want to support
 SB> them. 
It seems to boil down to the question of whether the ability to love and
feel empathy is inherited such as the ability to speak is or whether it
is inherited and also needs to be stimulated in order to develop.  If it
is not hereditary, then it would have to be a learned response.  If it is
hereditary in some rudementary sense (such as the nurturing instinct in
mammals), then it seems that either some people are born without this
ability or it needs to somehow be stimulated in order to develop.  To
shed more light on this, the study would need to examine early childhood
development and ask such questions as how often was the person held and
interacted with as an infant, whether or not there was any interaction
with family pets during the first five years of life, the relationships
with younger siblings, et cetera.
 SB> Cause and effect are such difficult things to determine.  Recently,
 SB> I
 SB> was talking with a psychologist who works in the prison system with
 SB> criminal adults and youths, as well as maintaining a private practice
 SB> in the non-criminal world.  He says there doesn't seem to be any real
 SB> determining factor that decides whether a person will or won't be a
 SB> criminal.  But the adult criminals he works with have an *attitude* of
 SB> never being wrong in what they do.  They justfy anything they do:
 SB> rape, robbery, murder. When he encounters young people in the system
 SB> who have that attitude, he has noticed they generally become adult
 SB> criminals. The youngsters he works with who are in trouble with the law
 SB> and who have an attitude of "I *did* do it, and it was wrong";
 SB> generally outgrow their criminal behavior.
 
Again, I would look at the differences in child-rearing practices the two
types encountered.  I suspect that in the former case, the person was
made to feel as though they were a bad person or that there was something
wrong with them for having done something wrong--humiliated and
degraded--and that this did not happen or happen to such a degree with
the latter.  Also, the latter may have been psychologically rewarded for
'fessing up (such as, "If you admit that you did it now, I won't have to
give you a licking to make you own up to it").
 SB> Did you know that recent studies have indicated that teaching young
 SB> children to play musical instruments increase their capacity to have
 SB> empathy with others?
No, I didn't.  That's very interesting.  I did know that having animals
around is very helpful.
Take care,
Robin
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