Mr Richardson.

 I am going to address this directly to you, inspite of the fact
 that you are a total asshole. I do this because there are
 somethings that are so important then need to be addressed even
 to such as you.

 Long ago, when Vern Humphrey was posting in the Politics echo
 about his child trying to adopt, I gave him some advice on the
 subject. One of the other participants, I can't remember who
 now, said that, in spite of the fact that he didn't like me, I
 was far more expert on the subject than anyone else in the echo.

 Vern never once even acknowledged the advice.

 I am writing this because some things are too important to be
 compromised to personal feelings. I hope you will take it in
 that vein.

 ...

 TR> I have two grand children whom I love dearly. They are
 TR> adopted by one of my sons and daughter-in-law. Neither one
 TR> is `caucasian' for the purposes of `classification'.

 TR> But.......if I were to be asked their `race', I would
 TR> answer `human' race!

 TR> What the pigment of their skin classifies them as, is
 TR> nobody's busniess. I expect them to be judged by the
 TR> quality of their upbringing, the guage of their behavior,
 TR> and the content of their character, not the color of their
 TR> skin or anything to do with ethnic.

 You may want your grandchildren to be judged by the content of
 their character, but if you expect it you are doing them a
 disservice. If you do not expect them to face prejudice of some
 kind, sooner or later, you will not prepare them to do so. And
 that will be a great failure on your part.

 I am writing this with you as the first person subject, though I
 know it is your children who adopted.

 If you deny them the benefit of their ethnic background, you may
 well be denying them something of great value. If you try to
 pretend it does not exist, or does not matter, you will do them
 more harm than good.

 If they are not white, sooner or later they will face some form
 of prejudice. Even if they are asian, there are places in this
 country where they will be looked down on. And even when they
 are expected to be the "model minority" that will be
 discrimination. Being expected to be better because of race can
 be harmful also. It may put demands on them they cannot meet. No
 one is always the best.

 Give your children two pieces of advice.

 First, try to find an adoptive family support group. This is the
 single best thing they can do. If it's good it will be the best
 possible source of information they can find.

 Second, go to WWW.adoptivefamilies.com. That is the website of
 Adoptive Families Magazine. Subscribe.

 Being an adoptive family is *NOT* the same as being a biological
 family. No matter how much you want it to be. Those sources will
 help the parents prepare for and handle the differences.


BOB KLAHN bob.klahn{at}sev.org   http://home.toltbbs.com/bobklahn

... Adoption builds beautiful families.
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