I thought I heard Tim Dill (1:102/541.2) say: 
 ->>Gonna ask John here to areafix sip_alanon from Gene for me
 ->>in the meanwhile this is a resend...
glad you resent, 'cause I never saw it anywhere else, Tim.
 ->> Area:    SIP_ALANON
 ->> Date:    17 Jul 95  17:15:29  Public           
 ->>Marge, I may have sounded a little disjointed this afternoon when I 
 ->>left you a voice message, there was a good reason for it.
yeah, you did.   it sounded like you were thinking I could do something ld 
for an alanon, and had you called back was gonna suggest you get on the phone 
and call the central office...which, having read before starting to reply,  I 
know you did.
 ->>Now here is the sticky part, she confided in me that Ken's drinking
 ->>was driving her nuts.. yes the old song and dance.
 ->>She had also been previously informed about Alanon by Ken's sister
 ->>in law Karen. Karen is married to Bob, Ken's brother who is now
 ->>sober for a year.
wish she'd listened to Karen first time the subject came up.  as someone who 
dug my heels in for a couple of years when folks were 12 stepping me into 
alanon, I can rl8.  ;-(
 ->>She split the state with Ken in tow thinking that a change in environment
 ->>would get him to sober up. She also was willing to go into hock
 ->>for 35 grand for a 28 day program back there. She also has made
 ->>numerous calls to AA for him.. but he always balked.
dunno 'bout out there...but here, our central office will give out meeting 
times and places to anyone who asks...but we won't arrange a 12 step call 
unless the drunk calls him/herself.  that dratted willingness stuff, you 
ow?
 ->>It was killing her slowly to see the man she loves, ( and I love too)
 ->>slowly kill himself with the alcoholic insanity. Funny thing.. after
 ->>burying a few folks here other folks drinking does not even 
 ->>bother me any more. Even when I went by their place he kept on asking
 ->>that "Does it bother you when I am drinking?" I had to answer honestly
 ->>"No"
detachment?  of course it's killing her.  she thinks she is responsible (or 
CAN) fix it....
 ->>As I also work this side of the fence (Marge I got tons of qualifiers)
I know you have the qualifiers, we all do, Tim...dind't know you actively 
worked the program.
 ->>Since we had a good long chat both Mary and I, I suggested is it not
 ->>time to start doing something for yourself. I will stay in both
 ->>your lives to act as an example of sobriety for Ken, but I won't
 ->>push anything on him..
that last is reasonable.
 ->>She conceded to the point that this was VERY hard to live with to
 ->>the point of tears.. so I get out my dusty Alanon 12&12 and have 
 ->>her read the First step.. I asked her about her belief in a h-p
 ->>She said she believed in god.. so I asked her do you believe
 ->>that he can restore her to sanity, actually I said serenity.
 ->>(Harriet I know you are lurking DETAILS DETAILS I told her about Wicca)
 ->>So I took her trough the third step by asking the simple question
 ->>"are you willing to go to any length even giving your will and
 ->>life over the care of god as YOU understand it?"
 ->>She said yes..
 ->>I said congratulations you have just taken the first 3 steps of Alanon.
 ->>I gave her that 12&12 to have.. and I gave her the central office
 ->>phone number and I let her know that where there is a meeting
 ->>on Wednesday night....
Tim, if you have the opportunity, I'd STRONGLY urge getting her an Odaat, or, 
perhaps, The Courage to Change.   for me, the process of the steps, in Alanon 
is/hasbeen a lot slower and more subtle.  
all I can share is *my* experience...but the first step, in Alanon, was NOT 
an instant process for me.  completed a *WRITTEN* first step, with my 
sponsor, aftere about two years in the program.  at this particular point, I 
truly doubt whether your friend can see the magnitude of the insanity in her 
life...or that the insanity is NOT caused by her husband's behaviour.    
based on my own experience, I'm willing to be that she's thinking 'he'll get 
sober and everything will be poifict.'   (only reason I can say that is that 
I have that particular Tshirt.)
I'm NOT criticizing what you did...I think it was a good piece of 12 
stepping, and I'm hoping you showed her enough that she will grab the 
lifeline that Alanon offers those of us who love a drunk....
 ->>I told her that "hook into an old timer in the program" preferably
 ->>female and do everything she suggests even if it does not make
 ->>sense...
exactly.  and expect it to make no sense.  ;-)
 ->>I think I done good as she was the first person that I had led through
 ->>the first 3 steps... of ANY program....
I think you done good, too, Tim.   
Hope Rich reads this and throws in his 50 cents worth...  and Tim...and any 
other Alanon in sight.
fwiw, I'm batting 0 on my Alanon 12 stepping.  none of the folks I've invited 
to a meeting or shared my experience with have (to my knowledge) ever come 
back.  Since some of them are out of state, now, I don't know what will 
happen in the future, of course....    Sharing my life with a sober drunk 
means that upon occasion I get to do both sides of the table...talk to his 
sponsee when he calls and Al isn't around, AND try to 12 step the sponsee's 
wife...  fun.
you done good.  all we can do, on EITHER side of the hall, is show people 
that there is a solution.
() 
--- msged 2.06
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