Hey Nancy!

Apr 03 17:13 06, Nancy Backus wrote to Maurice Kinal:

 NB> The basic reasons are, of course, pretty much the same for both... eg
 NB> companionship, love, sexuality, security, acceptance...

I am not convinced, although I have heard that and have actually thought
that as well.  However when push comes to shove those attributes seem to be
the first to fall by the wayside for some strange reason.

 NB> Not that one
 NB> always gets what they thought* they'd get...  (and that goes for both
 NB> wanting one and wanting to be one)

Why do you suppose that is?  Seems to me if the attributes that they were
seeking were genuine in both then there shouldn't be a problem, or at least
wrt what they wanted, if indeed they were being honest about what they
wanted.

 NB> I was musing out loud about people in general, not really about 
 NB> anyone
 NB> in particular... :)

Understood.  I was assuming that was the case.

 NB> When one looks at marriage in general, and the
 NB> expectations of spouses of each other, there is QUITE the list of
 NB> possible duties/responsibilities.

I thought all that was covered by the basic wants?

 NB> Husbands expect wives to do stuff
 NB> they (the husbands) would rather not do, and vice versa...  

Then that husband wasn't being honest wrt the basic wants of a relationship.
 
 NB> Sometimes the division of labor makes sense, sometimes not...  :)  

Yes but those labours have little to do with a relationship or not seeing
as they exist without a relationship.  The dishes don't do themselves.

 NB> But
 NB> there's things like being the "trophy wife", being a
"sugar daddy",

I've seen that.  Quite common actually but usually outside of the actual
relationship and both are equally guilty of 'cheating' as it is commonly
called.

 NB> entertaining, raising the kids, being the schedule coordinator for 
 NB> the
 NB> whole family, transporting the kids to all their myriad activities 
 NB> and
 NB> appointments, cooking, cleaning, laundry, handling the finances, yard
 NB> work, doing the taxes, etc, etc....   :)

All exist outside of a male/female relationship.  I see many women these
days doing all the above without a husband.  Occasionally even men and they
have additional baggage thrown at them simply because society is suspicious
of men doing those tasks without a wife, trophy or otherwise.

 NB> Of course, in a good marriage, many of these will end up being done 
 NB> by
 NB> both spouses, either in turn or in conjunction, or being the care of 
 NB> one
 NB> better suited than the other, or be considered not at all important 
 NB> for
 NB> anyone to do...  :)

If dishes were wishes ...  :-)

 NB> Not sure whether I'd like to have one or that you would?

I haven't met one ... yet.

 NB> Or that, if 
 NB> I
 NB> did get one whether it would meet my expectations...?    Oh, I 
 NB> know
 NB> better in reality...  

Yeah.  Stinkin' reality.

 NB> People being people, and certainly not perfect or ideal specimens, 
 NB> they
 NB> come complete with lots of faults which one has to put up with along
 NB> with all that they could be doing for one...  

For sure.  Sigh.

Life is good,
Maurice

--- Msged/LNX 6.2.0