> > accomplished (congratulations to her in a free market, I say) but,
> > rather, the feeling of inferiority that a lot of wonderful people
> > started getting when their dinner parties were held in houses with
> > thin layers of dust and made up of primarily reheat from frozen
> > foods.  I know it's stupid, but it's about as helpful (and logical)
> > as body- image problems.
> 
> I can't even imagine having ppl over to dinner without going through a
> 3-day process of freaking over the light fixtures being grimy  It's
> a sickness. Every guy I know just says "come on over!" and you just
> companionably/comfortably push the half-done laundry off the end of
> the couch  (I'm playing, don't get all incensed :) 

I know a lot of men like that, and some women like that. I also know men
who have spotless houses. They make me fidgety - I'm a hopelessly inept
housekeeper

>But don't get me
> started on the body-image thing... at a time when the whole nation is
> tipping the scales distinctly over average, all we see on tv, movies,
> magazines etc ad nauseum are those tipping the scales distinctly under
> average. Thin isn't even thin anymore unless it's borderline anorexic.

I thought it was shifting away from that. You have so many normal
looking women being regarded as beautiful nowadays - Queen Latifah (Long
Live the Queen!) Camryn Manheim (not the skinny blonde Cameron Diaz, the
shapely brunette) Star whatzername who does shoe ads and the View as
well as being a reporter, Whoopie Goldberg, Kate Winslett who sued
because they airbrushed her to a skinniness she's never had and doesn't
want, Catherine Zeta-Jones, just to mention a few that come readily to
mind

> Being far away on the other side, I can certainly see that my end
> isn't any healthier, but jeez. One is presented as the "ideal" and the
> other is buried under a ton of crap - preferably on Mars. It does tend
> to dent the armour of self-appreciation.

I don't tie my self-appreciation to something as transitory and
superficial as the way my body is built. I find it a downer that men (in
general) tend to be visually stimulated and therefore do not see me as
physically desirable, and I would like to get down to a healthy weight,
but other than that my appearance doesn't affect my self image. My self
image is tied up in whether or not I'm being fair, supportive,
understanding, generous, kind, patient, courageous, honest, etc.

Oh, I know.  It's just, as I said, I know a few people who take 
themselves to be failures as women when they have to drop in a 
frozen lasagna in order to have had time to deal with work, the 
kids, clean up, and generally live their lives.  (And trust me, I 
wouldn't get offended from that - I'm one of those hosts who at 
dinner parties needs to be made to sit down forcibly 'cause I'm still 
getting stuff for people -- other than my kitchen [where I've likely 
been working all day], I've made sure the house is spotless.  I 
mean, I can be casual when it's just the gang coming over to watch 
a movie or something but the reason that I'm able to be casual like 
that is because I tend to keep the place in a reasonable state *all* 
the time...)  

See, I can't keep my place in a reasonable state all the time. I'm a
constant, endless frazzled mess when I try that. That way leads to
breakdown and coming unglued, and never being able to achieve anything
because every waking moment is spent in relentless stress over something
that can never be obtained and sucks all the time and life out of me.
I've tried it a number of times in my life (from "I'm setting my
children a bad example" and "I must do this" to "I'm
organized and
intelligent, I only need to apply those attributes to the house" and
many other motivations) Now I've realized no one can do everything, and
keeping the house up at all times is something that's beyond me. If I'm
to have a life at all, I must recognize my limitations and work around
them. I have no life at all if every waking moment (and in my sleep) I'm
struggling with something unattainable. So I live with a certain amount
of clutter and dust bunnies. 
My house is never spotless (not even when I'm a spazzing freak trying in
vain to get it that way) so when I have company they have to accept it
as it is. The food is great, the company is great, everyone has fun at
my parties/dinners - if someone entertained themselves by looking in my
bathroom cupboards and in corners and found dust, that's their
entertainment, it's not a major part of my success as a human being. 
Yeah, it irks me when I hear back that so-and-so was telling people my
housekeeping left a lot to be desired - but my reaction is more along
the lines of how small minded the poker and gossiper is, not what a bad
person I am. I lose respect for someone who opens bathroom cupboards in
order to gossip behind my back, I don't lose respect for me.

My point was simply that I have an objection to anything that 
makes perfectly wonderful people feel like failures, grossly inferior, 
or worse, grotesque -- and there was certainly some of that 
happening with the "perfect home" ideal that Martha's been 
representing.  
 
What I loathe about Martha is that she thinks she's wonderful. She
thinks she's perfect. Not only that but she's sneering of everyone on
the planet who isn't as perfect as she thinks she is - which, by the
look of it, is everyone.

I hope they do throw the book at her. I get the same satisfaction in
seeing her caught in her own superiority as I did with "The Queen of
Mean" Leona Helmsley (sp) of "Only the little people pay
taxes." It has
nothing to do with gender, it has to do with attitude. It's the attitude
that cost Marie Antoinette her head, and Charles II of England his head,
and got the Roumanian dictator shot (pronounced chowcheskue but I can't
remember how it's spelled) That kind of overwheening self-importance
earns it's own fall.

Laurie we are all human with strengths and weaknesses Phoenix


--- Rachel's Little NET2FIDO Gate v 0.9.9.8 Alpha