-=> Quoting Maurice Kinal to Nancy Backus on 10-03-06  04:46 <=-

 NB> Some of my sisters were more flamboyant and out-spoken with their 
 NB> ways of breaking away...

 MK> Right.  That sounds more like my daughters, although from my
 MK> perspective 'flamboyant and out-spoken' wasn't exactly how I looked at
 MK> it but they probably did. 
 
I imagine words such as argumentative, disrespectful, obnoxious,
impudent, arrogant and such, would better describe what you were
seeing...?   My one sister was very definitely flamboyant, by anyone's
account.  If there was more than one way to do something, she'd pick the
one most likely to garner attention.  It back-fired on her on more than
one occasion.  Still does... you'd think she'd learn...!

 NB> My experience has been that if one is fair with kids, they respond
 NB> favorably.  This even worked when I and hubby were able to help my
 NB> youngest brother see M&D's point of view without provoking the usual
 NB> rebellions from him.

 MK> That can happen.  I am not sure if any 'input' I give the one kid that
 MK> shows up here from time to time has any effect but I figure it is worth
 MK> a shot.  His dad never complained about anything any time I've talked
 MK> to him so I suspect any 'input' at least isn't hurting anything.
 
Sometimes the influence one has is only seen later, in how things work
out.  The fact that he sticks around to get said 'input' is in itself a
good sign... as is that he come back from time to time...  :)

 NB> when they inwardly do...  An uninvolved adult is safer to agree with. 
 NB> :)

 MK> Or safer to disagree with without causing any major disturbances in
 MK> family dynamics.  Mind you I still 'win' when that happens but I doubt
 MK> the kid ever feels he 'lost'.
 
Outside the family dymanics, it doesn't feel so much like taking
sides... just looking at things from different angles, perhaps.

 NB> When they get a little older they figure out that they CAN agree and
 NB> still remain independent... 

 MK> I am not sure.  I don't recall if that was an issue to me when I was a
 MK> kid.  Seems to me my older sister had that problem with my parents,
 MK> especially with my mother.

Most kids I've seen seem to go through at least a contrarian phase,
where it is necessary NOT to agree.  (Some are like that when they are
toddlers and never seem to grow out of it!)  But there are some for whom
that isn't an issue... you, actually me also for the most part.  My son
was one who thought at one point that he was actually being "adult" by
being contrary... no, he never told me that, I happened to overhear him
boasting of his mature behaviour (so-called) to one of his peers on the
telephone... I just had to shake my head, knowing the facts and a
different perspective on things...  :)   Since then, he DID acknowledge
to me how immature he actually was being then, as he looked back on
himself with a different focus on things.  :)

ttyl          neb

... I predict that today will be remembered until tomorrow!

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