-=> Quoting Maurice Kinal to Nancy Backus on 10-19-06  14:04 <=-

 MK> other women I tend to be a real sucker probably mostly due to my
 MK> expectations and desires rather then anything else.  I've learned
 MK> though ... I think.  Hard to say for sure as I have been very foolish
 MK> wrt women and my personal feelings towards them.  Over the last couple

Hmmm...  Again a way that men and women aren't really all that
different... women's expectations and desires concerning men are usually
what get us in trouble, too. 

 MK> decades I have avoided getting too emotionally attached to women but
 MK> still give them the edge when it comes to social settings and the such.
 MK> Overall I think that was a good idea although it was extremely hard
 MK> to accomplish.  As I get old and more comfortable with the choice I
 MK> have appreciated it more and more especially when I look around me and
 MK> see the grief normal coupling causes.  Having said this I have met
 MK> couples who appear to have great relationships but those are not as
 MK> common as the grieving ones. 

I've told many a person, being single isn't the worst thing that could
happen to one...  Being married to, or in a close relationship with, a
person that is good with and for you is a pleasure for sure, and worth
the effort that it takes to maintain the relationship.  But with someone
that is nothing but trouble, well, one might better be on one's own. 
Good friendships will also fill the need one has for companionship and
connection.

 NB>    More similar in more ways
 NB> than one would expect... and at the same time, different in ways 
 NB> where one would have hoped for more similarities.  :)

 MK> I doubt I'd get along too well with a female version of myself. 
 MK> Differences can be a real bonus but then it requires cooperation to
 MK> stick it out over the long haul.  No?
 
It always requires cooperation and often compromise as well to stick it
out over the long haul, whether it be with similarities or differences. 

(re: other women being replacement for mother)
 MK> I said that for my own benefit.  Far too often women think that is
 MK> what I need when I really don't think I do.  Maybe sometimes but never
 MK> when they think I do.  I'd much rather they wanted to treat me as a man
 MK> but apparently that is asking too much which is okay as long as I have
 MK> little to do with them relationship wise.
 
I hear you.  :)  I'm chuckling a little here, being reminded of one of
our cats.  She's been in the habit of turning a sock into a "kitten",
making "kitten" sounds while she plays with it.  We thought she was
wishing she was a mother cat (which she'll never be, being spayed), and
maybe she was.  But when we DID get a kitten (not for her, but as it
happened), she was rather put out with his antics, especially as he grew
into being a full-sized tom (who we also fixed as soon as he was old
enough, btw).  She went back to her sock "kitten" gladly!    There
are a lot of women out there who seem to be looking to "mother" what
they perceive as "strays"...  I think they really don't know what they
really want any more than our cat did.  :)

 NB> What I was trying to indicate is that the ways in which women are
 NB> ACTUALLY different from men are the things that an observant person
 NB> could pick up from relationship with previous women in his life,

 MK> Other then the obvious differences I am not convinced we're all that
 MK> much different.
 
Yes, my point, too.  ;)

 NB> specific anatomy class in school, together with how different 
 NB> structure and hormones can affect emotions...  

 MK> Right.  That is one of the obvious differences methinks.
 
Exactly.  There are also some differences in perceptions because of
those... and different ways of expressing things, which may be more
gender related than is generally accepted.  But those tend to be over a
spectrum, and often can be modified, or at least compensated for, when
one is aware of them.

ttyl         neb

... You can count an apple's seeds; God counts the apples in a seed.

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