-=> Quoting Maurice Kinal to Nancy Backus on 11-20-06  19:04 <=-

 NB> I think we are talking about two different things here.

 MK> Possibly but offhand I don't think we are.  Perhaps our respective
 MK> approaches to the problem are different.
 
That is also a possibility...  :)

 MK> reason I am more inclined to avoid that person and save both of us much
 MK> grief.  It can and does happen and I suppose it could be looked at as
 MK> basic respect for that person's, as well as my own, right to quality of
 MK> life simply because I don't wish to bother each of us with any excess
 MK> grief.  I personally find it impossible to fake it for very long and if
 MK> I have to I require more reason to follow that course of action then is
 MK> normally provided in human relations.  I am sure they agree, whoever
 MK> they are. 

I suspect that in actuality we are rather similar.  I wouldn't say that
I fake it, though, but that I don't let the lack come to the fore where
it can be readily seen.  Perhaps there's little difference in the way it
actually happens out.  I also try not to have to spend a lot of time
with someone I have trouble dredging up respect for.  I don't feel I
must say everything I may be thinking/feeling about certain people...
I'd rather keep the peace... :)

 NB>> hand, can and often does produce damage.  Perhaps in your mind the 
 NB>> trust and respect are inseparable?

 MK> Usually ... maybe always now that you mention it or at least how
 MK> respect pertains to everyday sorts of relationships.  There are people
 MK> I respect that I have never met and don't have a relationship with and
 MK> in those cases the issue of trust doesn't even enter into it.

Here we probably do differ some, then.  I can keep that separation also
with those I do meet and have some sort of relationship with.  Those who
merit trust as well as respect, though, will be those with whom I am
willing to have the deeper relationships.

 NB>> One can certainly disagree respectfully...

 MK> I am getting better at that but maybe not good enough.  Anyhow getting
 MK> better at saying 'no' and finding it easier to live with the results.

It is indeed a process... learning one's limitations and limits.

 NB> not something to be guilty about, usually.  My father gave me some
 NB> doozies over the years... I learned to respect him* but not 
 NB> necessarily heed his advice unless I had looked at it very closely...

 MK> Parents are different though.  At least mine had my interest at heart
 MK> even when it was bad advice.  Also they had to learn to live with the
 MK> results and often their future advise took that fact into
 MK> consideration.  ;-) 

I'm not sure that parents are all that much different... there are
others as well that do have the other's interest at heart, even when
badly out of line in reality.  Otherwise, yes, true enough...  :)

 NB> Depends on your definition of sneaky, perhaps... :)  Not showing 
 NB> one's whole hand is an asset in many situations (and most games, of 
 NB> course). 

 MK> I've noticed that about dealing with women.  What I call sneaky they
 MK> tend to call smart.  Interesting no?
 
I'm pretty sure I'd agree with you that some of those things were indeed
sneaky, even though they thought they were smart... ;)  I was referring
more to the more general wisdom of being respectfully cautious where
called for.  Jesus referred to that as being "as wise as serpents, and
as gentle as doves".   :)

ttyl        neb

... I'm not crazy...  Everybody else just thinks that I am!

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