Re: Re: How d'yall deal with the bad memories?
  By: Alan Ianson to Damon A. Getsman on Fri Nov 27 2015 09:59:37

 DA>> I can't see any sort of major psychological revolution that is going
 DA>> to suddenly make this path easier for me.  
 AI> No revolutions are needed.. :) 

  No, but they would be very nice.  Just overthrowing the old tyrannical regime
and installing the new one with all of this crap out of the way would be a
wonderful thing.  ;)

 AI> In my own case I just carry on, try as best I can to learn from my
 AI> mistakes and not repeat them (although I have done that once or twice).

  There was a pretty long stretch in my life where I did a really good job of
burying my head in the sand about learning lessons.  Most of my 20s, at the
very least.  I'm glad to have gotten out of that stretch, into a point where,
even if things are still difficult, I know that I'm not going out of my way to
make them any worse.  I've tried to be very aware of different mistakes that
I've made, which is also why I'm constantly trying to get feedback on the
different things that I do.  I know that a lot of my 'head in the sand' days
were due to not being able to see things in my blind spots, and though somewhat
painful at times, it is good to know what's in these zones.  Again, it can save
a lot of repetition of that stuff that really just doesn't merit it.

 AI> I did too in my middle school years until after high school. I had a
 AI> hellova time getting a good nights sleep in those years although I'm not
 AI> sure why. I'd wake up in the wee hours of the morning in a state of horror
 AI> that would make any possibility of 8 hours of sleep a non starter.

  Oh yeah.  I hear you on that one.

 AI> I'm not sure just what you mean by that but it sounds like me.. !

  Haha.  Well I think the actual 'curse' is 'may you live in interesting
times'.  I know that I've managed to do that, and my own life has been
interesting in some pretty adventurous ways...  Unfortunately because of all of
that adventuring around in my 20s I'm still working on getting my feet on the
ground in a stable financial sense while 38.  Hopefully that's something I can
look forward to soon.  Right now it's almost looking like my son and I might
have another homeless adventure, this time in a major metropolitan center. 
Can't really say that I'm looking forward to that so much.

 AI> "Better to have loved and lost" is a corny old saying that used to make me
 AI> wonder what folks were talking about. Now I know and I just have to agree.

  I'm still swaying on this one.  Due to the environment that I grew up in, I
used to have a saying that 'some types of love are worse than hate', because at
least hate you can just turn away from.  It's always been too tangled with
manipulation, in my upbringing, and my adult life...  Well it's been a lot of
heartbreak; I'm learning to be much more discriminating, but that just seems to
be making my life more barren.  Hopefully I meet more people to fill some of
these voids at some point soon.

 AI> I suppose sitting where I am sitting this is easy to say, but I am very
 AI> comfortable with who you are and hope that you are too, or at least
 AI> heading in that direction and it sounds to me like you are.

  I'm trying, which is the best I guess that anybody can do.  I wish I was more
fluent in the viewpoints that you've had here.  Sounds like almost an ideal
position, honestly.  I understand what you're saying but I'm just not there in
a lot of the cases yet.  I am happy and proud to be working on the right
things, though, and of not being somebody who is going to stagnate and repeat
the same mistakes ad infinitum...  It's more the 'being comfortable in your own
skin' kind of thing that I'm working on with myself, I guess.
 
  -D

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