On 11/15/15, Damon A. Getsman said the following...
 
 DA>  AI> Yep, I have done that too. It's not bothersome anymore though, maybe
 DA>  AI> it's because enough time has passed.. I have let go of things I don't
 DA>  AI> want or need and embrace the things I do.
 DA> 
 DA>   I have a hard time even seeing that as being a potential outcome for
 DA> me.  I don't let myself give in to hopelessness because of it, but I've
 DA> had it for as long as I remember.  Creeping in close to 40 now, I can't
 DA> see any sort of major psychological revolution that is going to suddenly
 DA> make this path easier for me.  

No revolutions are needed.. :) 

In my own case I just carry on, try as best I can to learn from my mistakes
and not repeat them (although I have done that once or twice).

 DA> Then again I can recall that some of it
 DA> used to keep me awake on a regular basis, say back in the middle school
 DA> years.  Maybe some of it has gotten a little bit better.  If so, it's
 DA> too gradual for me to really notice.  If I'm actually making
 DA> improvements as I go, it's amazing that I've made it this far (at least
 DA> to me).

I did too in my middle school years until after high school. I had a hellova
time getting a good nights sleep in those years although I'm not sure why.
I'd wake up in the wee hours of the morning in a state of horror that would
make any possibility of 8 hours of sleep a non starter.

 DA> My life has been...  well far too interesting, I suppose, if
 DA> you're familiar with the curse about an interesting life.

I'm not sure just what you mean by that but it sounds like me.. !

 DA>  AI> I love myself, life and the beautiful people around me. There are
 DA>  AI> unpleasant things too that would like to enter my life.. but I have n
 DA>  AI> time for any of that.
 DA> 
 DA>   I don't right now.  That is a major problem for me, and always has
 DA> been.  

I hope that you will do that, in a full and meaningful way.

 DA> I mean I've felt love and attachment, but I was raised in an
 DA> environment where love and attachment were very much mixed with
 DA> negatives.  At some points in my life I've said that love is worse than
 DA> hate, because at least when people you hate wrong you, you can simply
 DA> walk away.

I'll take love everyday, even if it hurts and sometimes it does.

"Better to have loved and lost" is a corny old saying that used to make me
wonder what folks were talking about. Now I know and I just have to agree.

 DA> Anyway this part of my issue is why I take the medications. 
 DA> Now that I've finally met my biological family, as well as having always
 DA> known my adoptive family (at least since about 2 weeks old), I've found
 DA> that depression and bipolar disorder run all up and down that side of
 DA> the family.  I guess I should've prefaced by saying that I only know the
 DA> maternal side of my family, but whatever.
 DA>   I know that the solution is not solely drugs, which is why I opened
 DA> this thread up about dealing with these kinds of things.  My only fear
 DA> is that the solution that will work is what I'm doing, which is not
 DA> working fast enough for me at the age I'm at now.  :)

I suppose sitting where I am sitting this is easy to say, but I am very
comfortable with who you are and hope that you are too, or at least heading
in that direction and it sounds to me like you are.

 DA>  AI> I wanted to quote more but mystic seems to have lost it's quote buffe
 DA> 
 DA>   Uh oh.  Looks like it's time to switch to an external editor or QWK
 DA> packet reader.  ;)

It's a rare thing but has been reported to the Mystic BBS author so hopefully
the issue can be found and fixed somewhere down the road. I do have qwk
reader around here somewhere though.. :)

 Ttyl :-),
         Al

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