-=> Quoting Maurice Kinal to Nancy Backus on 11-06-06  16:08 <=-

 NB>> point to a lack of self-respect.  Sometimes being proffered respect
 NB>> nonetheless* can break the cycle, and help the person to once again 
 NB>> BE someone that can muster respect from others.

 MK> That can happen but I still think it has to be genuine at some level.

That is where the decision to show respect comes into play.  If it were
fake, chances are that it would only repel, not encourage.  It might
take some effort on the profferer's part to find some aspect, no matter
how small that truly is deserving of some sort of respect, and start
there. 

 NB>> Note that I didn't explicitly state where the guilt trip came from.  

 MK> Noted.  I have some guilt trips that sometimes are difficult to shake.
 MK> Usually things that happened that there was no control over and the
 MK> results were unpredicatble at the time.  'If I'd have only known better
 MK> at the time' is one of the usual lines that rears it's ugly head every
 MK> now and then. 

"shoudda, woudda, coudda"..  But the reality usually is that you did the
best you could with the situation as you saw it.  Hindsight does give a
greater clarity to things, but doesn't really make any difference as to
how one does react at the point.  Best one can do is try to learn from
the past so as not the REPEAT the same error(s) of judgement.  Save the
guilt for the things you really did intentionally do, or omit to do.

 NB>> Way too often it IS from family, and family influences and learned 
 NB>> behaviors therefrom.  And you are right that one can transcend one's 
 NB>> background, and not necessarily be molded by it.

 MK> I've seen that happen.  Amazing when it does happen.

Yes.   :)

 NB>> I think it is possible to combine Wary with Respect.

 MK> I think that is called Sneaky.  :-)

Nah... it's called Wise, generally...  

One can have/show respect for another, without blindly opening one's
self to being taken advantage of, or worse.

ttyl          neb

... The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions.

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