Hey Nancy!

Nov 03 18:36 06, Nancy Backus wrote to Maurice Kinal:

 NB> Love and respect do go hand-in-hand.  The other commonality I see is
 NB> that each can be a decision, not just a feeling.

To some degree I agree.  For sure they go hand in hand but I don't recall
ever deciding about love.  I do recall deciding not to listen to it which
isn't an easy thing to do but my best guess is when I did decide that it
was probably a wise decision.

 NB> it doesn't HAVE to happen, that one can be offered a certain level of
 NB> respect even when not "respect-able" or when one's
actions etc seem 
 NB> to
 NB> point to a lack of self-respect.  Sometimes being proffered respect
 NB> nonetheless* can break the cycle, and help the person to once again 
 NB> BE
 NB> someone that can muster respect from others.

That can happen but I still think it has to be genuine at some level.

 NB> Note that I didn't explicitly state where the guilt trip came from.  

Noted.  I have some guilt trips that sometimes are difficult to shake. 
Usually things that happened that there was no control over and the results
were unpredicatble at the time.  'If I'd have only known better at the
time' is one of the usual lines that rears it's ugly head every now and
then.

 NB> Way
 NB> too often it IS from family, and family influences and learned 
 NB> behaviors  
 NB> therefrom.  And you are right that one can transcend one's 
 NB> background,
 NB> and not necessarily be molded by it.

I've seen that happen.  Amazing when it does happen.

 NB> I think it is possible to combine Wary with Respect.

I think that is called Sneaky.  :-)

Life is good,
Maurice

--- Msged/LNX 6.2.0