Hey Nancy!

Oct 16 12:50 06, Nancy Backus wrote to Maurice Kinal:

 MK>> it individually rather then a group effort.

 NB> Yeah, that happened here, too... 

I've witnessed it in other's circumstances so I am fairly certain it is a
common occurance.

 MK>> Hm.  Funny how respect works.

 NB> True enough.  I suspect that there are different definitions of 
 NB> respect
 NB> out there, just like there are for love.

I am not sure about that.  Perhaps it is more of a uncertainty about
whether the feelings are genuine.

 NB> I keep hearing on the one 
 NB> hand
 NB> that "you have to EARN my respect"...

I think there is truth there.  For the mostpart it isn't an automatic thing
and probably requires some nurturing.

 NB> but on the other hand 
 NB> "everyone
 NB> deserves equal respect".

Just the basics in a social setting or within someone else's space.  I
think within a family it has to go a tad beyond that but again it has to be
nurtured or it just doesn't happen.  In the case of children respect is an
extremely tricky business but I think it is doable.

 NB>  And then there's the respect due one 
 NB> because
 NB> of their position (ie boss, president/king/queen, parent, etc).  Sure
 NB> sounds like different definitions at play here... 

I have absolutely no respect for that.  That is a forced thing for the
mostpart and has little to do with actual respect.  Society as a whole
seems to feel a need to demand that and I honestly don't see why when most
times it is false.  Sometimes it works but then that is usually because
whoever is in charge actually deserves respect.  However that is rare from
my observations.  As a rule it is a forced issue and not real.

 NB> Ah, so you discovered that women (like men, one might add) are all
 NB> different in unpredictable ways...?

Not really but it can and does happen.  In the case of my sisters it came
easier to see the difference as I grew up with them and it was impossible
to put on airs as we all knew better.  In the case of ALL other women I
tend to be a real sucker probably mostly due to my expectations and desires
rather then anything else.  I've learned though ... I think.  Hard to say
for sure as I have been very foolish wrt women and my personal feelings
towards them.  Over the last couple decades I have avoided getting too
emotionally attached to women but still give them the edge when it comes to
social settings and the such.  Overall I think that was a good idea
although it was extremely hard to accomplish.  As I get old and more
comfortable with the choice I have appreciated it more and more especially
when I look around me and see the grief normal coupling causes.  Having
said this I have met couples who appear to have great relationships but
those are not as common as the grieving ones.

 NB>    More similar in more ways
 NB> than one would expect... and at the same time, different in ways 
 NB> where
 NB> one would have hoped for more similarities.  :)

I doubt I'd get along too well with a female version of myself. 
Differences can be a real bonus but then it requires cooperation to stick
it out over the long haul.  No?

 NB> one can sometimes play the card so subtly that the other one doesn't
 NB> realize it was even IN play... :)   One doesn't have to say 
 NB> EVERYthing
 NB> one knows, after all... 

To be honest I'd rather it were kept up the sleeve.  Having to play it
means that something really desperate is going on.

 NB> Oh, that wasn't what I was getting at at all.  Of course she isn't 
 NB> going
 NB> to be replaced by other women in your life (not even daughters).

I said that for my own benefit.  Far too often women think that is what I
need when I really don't think I do.  Maybe sometimes but never when they
think I do.  I'd much rather they wanted to treat me as a man but
apparently that is asking too much which is okay as long as I have little
to do with them relationship wise.

 NB> using her as other than a rough guide to "all" women is likewise 
 NB> silly,
 NB> as you indicate.

So far it hasn't helped any but I am not losing sleep over it, or at least
not anymore.  It has gotten easier to deal with over time.

 NB> while I'm still not "his mother", I'm also very
definitely not "my
 NB> mother" either!

Heh, heh.  I hear you.

 NB> What I was trying to indicate is that the ways in which women are
 NB> ACTUALLY different from men are the things that an observant person
 NB> could pick up from relationship with previous women in his life,

Other then the obvious differences I am not convinced we're all that much different.

 NB> specific anatomy class in school, together with how different 
 NB> structure
 NB> and hormones can affect emotions...  

Right.  That is one of the obvious differences methinks.

 MK>> I was under the impression that counselling took more then just two
 MK>> sessions.  ;-)

 NB> Silly...

Yeah.  Sorry about that.  :-)

 MK>> We're still here so at the very least we survived.

 NB> Yup.  :)

Amen.

Life is good,
Maurice

--- Msged/LNX 6.2.0