* Crossposted in CROSSFIRE

Hello, All.

This apparently happened to someone in one of the newsgroups I frequent.  I
don't know if it's all true, but it's funny to read.

=== Cut ===
Hello, I'm the 62 year old grey haired Viet Nam vet in the tan cashmere
sport coat that you demanded I hand over-- shortly after you pulled the
knife on me and my wife You also asked for my wife's iPhone, purse and
earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message.  I'd like to
apologize.

I really didn't expect you to piss and crap your pants when I drew my pistol
after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason
that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my wife had just
bought me that Colt Government Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol, and Bianchi
inside-the-pants holster that afternoon.  Beautiful pistol, eh?  It's a very
intimidating weapon when pointed at your heart, isn't it?

I'm sure it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to whichever
housing project you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in
your low-slung droopy pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended
up leaving your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you
calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took
the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her
listed in your
cell, and explaining to her your situation.   I also bought myself 15
gallons of gas on your card.   I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys
over by the Union Mission along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I
threw the wallet itself in the green dumpster behind the building.

So about your pants.....I know that I was a little rough on you when you did
this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you.   I'm
sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out.   I'd
like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants.   What brand
did you use, and was it liquid or powder?

I'd also like to apologize for not shooting you in self-defense and instead
making you walk back home humiliated.   I'm hoping that you'll reconsider
your choice of path in life.   Next time you might not be so lucky.

If you read this message, email me and hey-- we'll do lunch-- and laundry.
=== Cut ===

Later,
Sean

//hausmaus{at}darktech.org | http://nsbbs.darktech.org | ICQ: 19965647

... If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.
--- GoldED/2 3.0.1