Dear Ricky, 
 
 RM> I am not going to give up the
 RM> fight.  Parents do not know how close they are from losing their rights
 RM> to their  child(ren) and what they can do with their child(ren). 
 RM> Parents rights are  slowly but surely being taken away.  When it comes
 RM> to the Child Protection  Services, parents have no rights what so ever.
 
I agree with you completely on this, especially since I am still fighting 
CPS to get to get my youngest daughter home. I won't give up the fight
either. I will keep fighting to change the system until the system is 
changed, or until they put my cold, dead body in it's final resting place.
 
 RM> Father's rights are all but  gone and many daddy's can not see his
 RM> children because of their ex lying  mouth.  
 
I know that this is true, but it does happen the other way around sometimes. 
Yes, it does happen mainly with men, especially since up until about 10
years ago it was almost unheard of for men to get custody of their children.
However, the tide on this is changing. In some states there is presently
no such thing as sole custody, or it is VERY RARELY granted. Here in 
California, joint custody is the rule of thumb. It is very unusual now for
a judge to grant sole custody to one parent or another UNLESS both parties
agree. Of course, there are cases of false accusations against one parent
or another - unfortunately that exists everywhere.
 RM> 48% of women in the US will
 RM> falsely accuse their husband or  ex-husband of sexually abusing their
 RM> child(ren) to get out of a marriage or  to stop visitation bewteen her
 RM> child(ren) and her ex-husband. In most cases  I have found the reason
 RM> that women will do this, is for money or a new  boyfreind. 
 
Are you sure the number is that high? I personally only know ONE woman who 
is divorced that accused her (now ex-) husband of sexual abuse, and he was
arrested and convicted for it - BUT there was REAL PHYSICAL EVIDENCE. The
daughter had finally complained to the mother after the father had raped
the little girl, and the mother took her to the hospital for an exam within
a few hours of the incident. They did find the father's semen inside the
little girl. She was only 6. I probably know over 50 women that are divorced
and none of them have ever made accusations of this kind. I personally have
been divorced twice and I have never made such an accusation either, and I
wouldn't unless I had a valid reason to believe that it was true.
 RM> It is time the laws are changed and any woman that falsely accuse her  
 RM> husband or ex-husband are arrested put in jail and the child(ren) are  
 RM> giving to the father. If women knows that they can be jailed and lose  
 RM> custody of their child(ren) for ever.  I think women would not do this.  
 
I agree that it is time that the laws changed, but I would hope that you 
want the law to read that "any PERSON who deliberately makes a false 
accusation with malice or the intent to cause harm would be prosecuted, 
go to jail, and pay a big hefty fine." 
I know you are still hurting terribly over your ordeal, and I understand
that very well. I, as a mother, have been on the other side of that street
on more than one occasion, although the allegations against me weren't of
a sexual nature. 
When my ex-husband and I were divorcing, he accused me of abandoning the 
family and of beating our children - Jessica, then 4; and Travis & Steven 
(twins) then both 2. He had his attorney convinced that the children were
in grave danger and that their lives were in jeapordy. His attorney (a woman)
believed it and she fought very hard for him. The truth of the matter was
that he was extremely abusive to me and the children, and when I left him
I took the children because I had discovered twenty-four hours earlier that
not only had he been beating Jessica with an extension cord while I was at
work, he had also locked her in her closet for hours on end. (She is now 17
and can not stand to have her closet door closed. It ALWAYS remains open.)
As for the abandonment issue, the only one who was abandoned was him, and 
with good reason. 
The next stunt he pulled was four years later. He had a new girlfriend and
he told her that I was keeping the chidren from him and not allowing them
to visit him. At his girlfriend's urging, he went to the District Attorney's
office and filed a complaint, charging me with Felony Interference With
Visitation Rights. A warrent was sworn out for my arrest and extradition
to Wisconsin. (I lived in Wyoming at the time.) Luckily they did not 
transfer the warrent, but it was on file for five years and then my attorney
just happened to come across it one day and he talked to the District
Attorney and had the charges dropped. The District Attorney didn't drop 
the charges until he saw my file which had over one inch of documentation
concerning my husband's refusal to have visitation with the kids, the 
arrangements I made for his visitation against his wishes, and so forth.
In the past 13 he has only seen them three times, and EACH time I was the
one who made the arrangements, I was the one that told him, "Your kids 
want to see you this summer, and I am sending them to your mother's house
on such and such a day." Never once has he tried to make the arrangements,
never once has he asked to see them, and in thirteen years he has only 
written to them about 3 times and only called them about half a dozen times.
The kids have given up on him. 
The last incident I had with my ex-husband was 7 years ago. On Christmas
Eve, with my children standing next to me, I was served with papers stating
that he wanted custody on the grounds that I was an unfit mother. He 
accused me of not feeding my children and of not sending them to school.
He had just gotten married and I believe that he was trying to impress his
wife. The kids of course wanted to know what the papers were, and the 
Sheriff that served them was very unhappy about having to do it, especially
on that day, but he'd had no choice in the matter and he stayed while I
read the papers because he wanted to make sure I would be okay and not go
to pieces. I read the papers out loud and the Sheriff's response was "for
kids that are starving to death, they sure look pretty healthy to me." My
kids were so devasted and they felt like their Christmas was ruined that
year. Luckily, by March he dropped the suit, after my attorney appeared in
court with two years worth of menues that I had used and copies of the kids
school attendance records. I was also investigated by Children's Protective
Services at that time and their conclusion was that he was being vindictive
towards me and the accusations were unfounded.
 
Believe me, I wish my ex-husband would want to see his children. I wish 
that he would be kind to them, and to take an interest in their lives, but
he has no desire to do so. One Christmas when they called him (four years
ago), his present to them was to tell them that he no longer wanted any
contact with them because he had a new family now. It is hard for them to
feel so rejected, and it is hard for me to watch them suffer. Luckily,
they now have a wonderful step-father who loves them very much and treats
them as if they were his own.
My husband got custody of his children after his ex-wife walked out on the
family four years ago. It is his youngest daughter that we are still trying
to get back from Children's Protective Services. Even though I did not give
birth to this little girl though, she is MY daughter too.
Anyway Ricky, I just wanted you to know that the false accusations DO go
both ways. It's a terrible tragedy to be falsely accused (and as you know
I am still living the nightmare) but it is not a one-sided issue. Any 
person who deliberately falsely accuses another person SHOULD be prosecuted.
Had a law like this existed 13 years ago, my ex-husband would have learned
his lesson and would not have continued this type of behavior for 6 years.
Incidentally, my ex-husband hasn't paid ANY child support in over 11 years,
and I was still making arrangements for him to see the kids regardless of
his lack of financial support.
 RM> Do not get me wrong, there are a lot of good women out there.  But it 
 RM> is hard to find them. I wish I could find a good woman.                  
Yes Ricky, there are A LOT of good women out there, and when you quit
blaming women as a whole for what has happened to you, then you WILL find
one that is worthy of you. (No disrespect intended. I understand your pain
and your frustration, really I do. It's just that as a woman, I don't 
want to share in the blame for what ONE woman did to you.) This women (me)
is very sorry you have had to endure such grief, but I didn't cause it,
and there is no conspirasy of women "out to get men". If there was, I would
have heard about it by now, and no one has told me a thing about it. It
looks like we both had the dumb luck to marry liars and then divorce them, 
but I got lucky this time around, and you will too. Just give it time, and
try to let go of some of the anger. Use your love for your children to give
you the energy to fight - don't use the anger at your ex-wife to do it or
you will run out steam before the fight is over and you will only feel
miserable in the end. I'm plenty angry too at times, but I am using my love
for my family to get me through this. Love is sustaining - anger isn't.
I hope this helps.
Valery 
... Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.12
--- Renegade v10-05 Exp
---------------