This report courtesy of the news division of Testosteroni Salvage Inc.
who remind you to do business at your local CyberMafia franchises and
thus help support Family values.


I guess we're all supposed to be polite and not mention the two
"Alanis" CDs that were released in Canada, before she flew south.
Anyway, since rumors abound of Alanis Morrisette working on another
"Morrisette" CD, and as part of the continuing
"MooseNet" policy of
trying to recycle or reuse old message themes, it seems appropriate
to re-release the following alleged newspaper article from a few
years ago...


ALANIS SONG SCANDAL          [MoosePress Ottawa bureau (c) 1998]

According to local reporters, if asked Alanis would still deny any
allegations that a subliminal "bonus track" was hidden on her recent
album and was the real reason for it's success.  For your
entertainment, and in the interest of keeping enquiring meese informed
on recent Canadian Culture and on current marketing techniques, here
are the alleged lyrics to this alleged song:

                          I EARN

(Sung, "ironically" enough, to the tune of "You Learn")

I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone
I recommend whining about it in a crappy song
Fans eat it up (Look at "Jagged Little Pill")
It feels so good (Making all this money)
Can't wait till my royalties are settled

          I lived, I learned
          I whine, you yearn
          For the crap I churn
          You buy, I earn
          I cry, I earn
          I scream, I earn
          You bu-uuu-uy, I earn.

I recommend putting your foot in your mouth to anyone
I think misusing big words is so much fun
I stubbed my toe (Isn't that ironic?)
I'm drunk right now (Pass the gin and tonic)
That's why there are four of me in the video

          I lived, I learned
          I whine, you yearn
          For the crap I churn
          My pop image spurned
          I ditched my perm
          I cry, I earn
          You buy, I eeeaaaaaaarrrrrrrn.

Wear your hair (Long and parted in the middle)
Make your voice (All scratchy and angst-riddled)
It's P.J.Harvey... coming up around the bend!

          You live, you learn
          You buy, I earn
          But you get burned
          When my music makes your sto-oo-o-mach churn
          I whine, I earn
          I scream, I earn
          You buy, I EEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.


(Vocals and harmonica stylings by Alanis Morrisette.
 Lyrics allegedly by somebody who can spell.)



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 + Origin:  Testosteroni Salvage Inc.    (1:249/127.2)

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