That reminds me. . . .

(Sent to various lists this year, and still funny, even if you are an 
attorney.)

Your local bar associations have been hard at work to recast "Twas The Night
Before Christmas" in a form that we attorneys believe will be far more
readable and enjoyable. The bar has worked hard to meet the December 24
deadline. Here it is. I hope you will have the opportunity to share this
with your children on Tuesday night.

The Night Before Christmas as read by Lawyers to their Children

1. Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at
a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "The
House") a general
lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a
mouse.
2. A variety of foot apparel, e.g., stockings, socks, etc., had been
affixed by and about the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that
St. Nick a/k/a St. Nicholas a/k/a Santa Claus (Hereinafter "Claus") would
arrive at sometime thereafter.
3. The minor residents, i.e, the children, of the aforementioned House
were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal
hallucinations, i.e., dreams, wherein visions of confectionery treats,
including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance,
cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.
4. Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred
to as "I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the party
of the second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a
sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various
forms of headgear, e.g., kerchief and cap).
5. Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon
the unimproved real property contiguous, adjacent and appurtenant to said
House,i.e., the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or
circumstance. The party of the first part did immediately rush to a portal,
a.k.a. a window, in the House to investigate the cause of said disturbance.
6. At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some
degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter the
"Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by
approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be
and in fact was the previously referenced Claus.
7. Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance
to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the
animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid,
Donner and Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer").
8. (Upon information and belief, it is further asserted an additional
co-conspirator named "Rudolph" may have been involved.)
9. The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer
intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences
located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the
Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown
origin and nature.
10. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or
implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via
the chimney. Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially
covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing
a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items.
11. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant
violation of local ordinances and health regulations.
12. Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stockings of
the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other
small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to
said minors
pursuant to applicable provisions of The Uniform Gifts to Minors Act and thus
no tax implications need be addressed at this time.)
13. Upon completion of said task, Claus touched the side of his nose and
flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the
Vehicle and the Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts."
14. Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination. However, prior
to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House, the party of
the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all
and to all a good night!" Or words to that effect.

Anyone know that the authorship of the original is now supposedly in 
question?  Not Clement C. Moore, as always thought, but someone you've 
never heard of . . . at least one reprint book has a different 
author.  I'll have to look into that sometime when I'm not supposed to be 
in the kitchen warming up that end of the house with the oven and the 
orange rolls. . . .
- - - -
Nine out of ten doctors recommend reading my books.  The tenth is a quack.
Shalanna Collins                                          shalanna{at}attbi.com
_Dulcinea: or Wizardry A-Flute_ by Shalanna Collins (e-mail me for excerpt)
ISBN 0-7388-5388-7 trade paperback  http://home.attbi.com/~shalanna/>

--- Rachel's Little NET2FIDO Gate v 0.9.9.8 Alpha