Hey Nancy!

Sep 24 23:42 05, Nancy Backus wrote to Maurice Kinal:

 NB> Often there isn't anything anyone else can do, before or after "plug
 NB> pulling", since it is really up to the person him/herself.  For 
 NB> better
 NB> or* for worse...  although, yes, often what we try to do to help only
 NB> does make things worse, since what really is needed isn't our input.

That sounds familiar, especially around the neighbourhood here.  What they
need/want I don't have to give thank goodness.  I got my own problems to
deal with and nobody seems to want to help me out there so life goes on. 
:-)

 NB> I wasn't saying anything at all about whose responsibility it is.  I 
 NB> am
 NB> not responsible for my friend's actions in the least, but it still is
 NB> painful to watch her/him self-destruct.  My love for the person only
 NB> makes me care what happens, not make me responsible for what does or
 NB> doesn't happen...

Yes but my point is that when you do offer whatever help it usually turns
out that whatever misery is there suddenly becomes a responsibility that
probably shouldn't be in the first place.

 MK>> I am not so sure.  My early experience with that is that 'work' is
 MK>> often what makes things unhealthy in the first place.

 NB> We may be using different definitions of "work" here...  :)

Maybe ... maybe not.  The thing is that I haven't been in a real
relationship for quite some time now but I when I was I think I knew what
'work' meant.

 NB> :)  While there is a bit of validity to needing to accept each other 
 NB> for
 NB> who and what they are, the "take it or leave it" attitude
is usually 
 NB> a
 NB> good indicator for "this isn't going to work out, better cut your 
 NB> losses
 NB> now"... 

Probably.

 NB> and hopefully shows up before* one has too much invested 
 NB> into
 NB> the relationship.

Amen.

 NB>   Ah, yes... and there are ways in which we never change, 
 NB> and
 NB> ways in which we aren't going to stay the same, no matter how hard we
 NB> do or don't try...  :)

Yeah.  Oh well, life goes on ... somehow.

 NB> Love doesn't conquer all, true...  but a truly unconditional love can
 NB> bear with just about anything.

I think you are absolutely right about that.  That has happened to me and
continues on as we speak.  There are people living in this world that I
feel that way about.

Life is good,
Maurice

--- Msged/LNX 6.1.2