-=> Quoting Thomas Kish to Jennifer Lewis <=-
 -> Thanks for the advice.  I have started to read bits and pieces from these
 -> two books and they seem very "Ryan-esque", if you know what I mean.  He 
even
 -> has a mild tic (he blinks his eyes rapidly and hard sometimes, but not 
ll
 -> the time).
 TK> Glad I could help:-).  Is Ryan on meds right now for the ADHD?  If he
 TK> is you may want to ask the doctor about a med to help with the tics
 TK> (even if he isn't on meds).
Yeah, I heard that some ADD meds can aggravate tics.  He isn't on anything
yet because he doesn't want to be diagnosed officially as having a pre-
existing condition because of insurance.
 
 -> Sometimes I think he's just being difficult, because I can't
 -> fathom why anyone would say and do the things he does when you care about
 -> someone.
 TK> Well that is one of the most common problems.  Being ADHD causes
 TK> impulsivity, in both actions and words.  Ryan may not mean to say what
 TK> he does, but it is out of his mouth, before his brain has really had a
 TK> chance think it over. 
I think that's part of it, but he sometimes doesn't see anything wrong with
some of the things he says and does.  But then, maybe he just says this
because at least then he's percieved as knowing what he's saying.
 -> But then, that's ME, not him.  He is a very sweet and caring
 -> person and he really has BAD self-esteem...I mean REALLY bad.  I think he
 -> sometimes seeks "approval" from others by appearing a certain way, but I
 -> don't know, maybe I'm analyzing him too much.
 TK> That most definately is one of the major side effects of ADHD.  While
 TK> not caused directly by the ADHD, it is often found in persons with
 TK> ADHD.  Alot of times, people with ADHD are constantly told your bad, or
 TK> you could do it if you try, or your just plain old stupid.  While in
 TK> most cases none of them are true, it does leave a lasting effect on the
 TK> person.  I also struggle mightily with my self esteem, because of the
 TK> teasing and chastizing I used to receive as a kid. This is definately
 TK> some where, where you may need to call in the help of a professional
 TK> since this problem is very hard to overcome.  Persons with ADHD are
 TK> very poor self observers, so no you are not over analyzing, he needs
 TK> to feel that what he is doing is good,  because he can not tell on his
 TK> own. 
Oh that is definitely the case!  I can't get him to see that sometimes the
things I say have nothing to do with him, yet he automatically takes it
personal.  It's rough sometimes.
  -> UGH!  What do you and your wife do to get past these times and move on?
 TK> Well thankfully she is much like you sound.  We had problems because
 TK> of my ADHD until I had an official diagnosis.  My wife now tries to
 TK> understand, and while she may not like some of my habits, she realizes
 TK> that I don't it on purpose. Also since being put on a combination of
 TK> Tofranil and Ritalin, I have been able to stabalize my actions, and
 TK> give her more attention.  But the best thing that I can say to you is
 TK> that if you truly love Ryan you will find a way to work around his
 TK> quirks.  Also be involved in his treatment program, and possibly look
 TK> up a chapter of C.H.A.D.D. Children & Adults with ADD, it is a support
 TK> group that the two of you could attend together.  This could make your
 TK> relationship even stronger, since you would be working through this
 TK> together, and also showing Ryan that you really care about him.
We started getting help (it's over now) and that's how we found out about
Ryan's ADD.  Now, we need to just get him on some meds.
 
Jennifer
... My other computer is a Commodore 64.
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