To:
From: "Steve Oostrom"
Reply-To: trekcreative{at}yahoogroups.com
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I have read the second Dark Horizons story, "Enemies and Allies,"
and I hav= e some comments below.
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Spoiler Space
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More Spoiler Space
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This should be enough Spoiler Space
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Offering any kind of reviews on "Enemies and Allies" is kind of
difficult b= ecause of the way the series is set up. Rather than
individual stories within an arc, "Dark Horizon" might be better
considered=
a single story and the so-called "stories" are really
just chapters. The first story, "Forms Change," stood up well as
an indepe= ndent story, but "Enemies and Allies" does not. Too
much is introduced and not enough is resolved, giving this story the fe= el
of a step on the journey rather than a segment of it. What this means is
that I could ask a lot of quesitons about things th= at happen in this
story, and the explanation is the same: "Subsequent stories will
answer the question."
Character interaction is pretty good. I'm getting the feeling that one of
= Michael Gray's strengths is character interactions and how the characters
evolve given the situations that they are in. These cha= racters are not
static. This story, for example, starts to show the possible unravelling
of the relationship between Jack Mc= Call and Mei-Wan. The possibility of
her joining the archaeological mission has given Jack a real
damned-if-I-do, damned-if-= I-don't, no-win situation, and as I am reading
along with this, I try to figure out how I would approach this (I know, but
then = again, I'm a writer too, and if I ever come up with such a
situation--and something similar is possible in "Athena"--I would
have a = difficult time working through this one). It means that upcoming
stories should be interesting, as Jack is put on the spot and=
I am intrigued on how it will work out.
On the other hand, one weakness I found in this story is Q. Is Q somehow
i= nvolved in the story? He came across as some kind of plot device. It
looked like the G'voda could be an ally in the bat= tle against the Borg,
but somehow, it must be brought to the attention to the Chamberlain that
the G'voda are perhaps worse than = the Borg. Short of having McCall
getting his nose bloodied in a confrontation with these new aliens to get
the point across, = MIchael might have dropped in Q to act almost as a
narrator and give information that Jack otherwise would not get. I would
n= ot write the scene this way, but perhaps Q is being introduced for later
use, and that could justify his appearance here in the=
overall arc. Within this particular story, this approach=20
did not work, as it looked like a contrived way to bring in some necessary
= information.
Another nice touch was the interaction between Melissa Vargas and Lee
McGui= re (coincidence factor, as I was reading this, I was writing a scene
involving Kelly McGuire on the Athena; I wonder if they are=
related?). Of course, unless the captain has his nose
in everybody's business, he would not realistically know that Vargas and
Mc= Guire would have a relationship. Afterall, wasn't Mei-Wan surprised to
learn about it? If Jack knew, I'm pretty sure that th= is gossip would
spread from husband to wife (or maybe it should have gone the other way?),
but the captain really shouldn't be bl= amed for what he did. He did not
know--and then again, the personal feelings of the crew really should not
interfere in what could=
be a security matter involving a spy and secret trans-
missions. Then again, I wonder about this. McGuire made encrypted
transmis= sions that he attempted to erase from the logs, but messages were
apparently harmless. I wonder why he would have done that, e= specially
attempting to erase the messages from the comm logs. That would just make
the captain and other suspicious of hi= m. Perhaps there is more coming on
here than I realize.
I just hear Michael going right now, "Of course there is!"
In essence, that is the problem with the story. A lot is going on, and
thi= s story does not stand on its own. The first story did, and perhaps
the third story does too, based anyway on how the first chapter is set up,
= but not this one. This one forces the reader to go on to the next one,
and learn why Michael dropped in the G'voda and Q and the Levalum=
and the rest.
A couple of final notes... I notice that Joe's love of spreading one person=
's dialogue over multiple paragraphs has been picked up by
Michael, although he does not do it as extensively as Joe does on
"Liberty.= " Michael also gives enough identifiers to help the
reader keep track, unlike Joe, who makes me at least stop and go over lines
and fi= gure out who said what. It's a minor quibble, although I do find
this particular style distracting--but that is personal preference.= ..sad
to say, Michael, but the image in Chapter 7 does not meet your usual high
standards. It's clear in this one that the individual imag= es came from
different sources and the quality of Jack and Mei- Wan do not match each
other. Undoubtedly, it would be hard to get photos o= f the two actors who
"portray" these characters posed in such a way to allow the
interaction, but nice try anyway. The images do ad= d to the story...then
there's the G'voda ship--just how big is that?
Overall, not a bad effort, and even good within the arc. I guess I'm on to=
reading story number three.
Steve
The Universe Unbounded.
Visit "Star Trek: Athena" at http://ussathena.iwarp.com
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I have read the second Dark Horizons story,
"Enemies and Allies," and I have some comments
below.
*
*
*
*
*
Spoiler Space
*
*
*
*
*
More Spoiler Space
*
*
*
*
*
This should be enough Spoiler
Space
*
*
*
*
Offering any kind of reviews on
"Enemies and
Allies" is kind of difficult because of the way the series is set
up. Rather than
individual stories within an arc,
"Dark Horizon"
might be better considered a single story and the so-called
"stories" are really
just chapters. The first
story, "Forms
Change," stood up well as an independent story, but "Enemies and
Allies" does not.
Too much is introduced and not
enough is resolved,
giving this story the feel of a step on the journey rather than a segment
of
it. What this means is
that I could ask a
lot
of quesitons about things that happen in this story, and the explanation is
the
same: "Subsequent stories
will answer the
question."
Character interaction is pretty
good. I'm
getting the feeling that one of Michael Gray's strengths is character
interactions and
how the characters evolve given
the situations
that
they are in. These characters are not static. This
story, for example,
starts to show the possible
unravelling of the
relationship between Jack McCall and Mei-Wan. The possibility of
her joining
the archaeological mission has
given Jack a real
damned-if-I-do, damned-if-I-don't, no-win situation, and as I am reading
along
with this, I try to figure out how I would
approach
this (I know, but then again, I'm a writer too, and if I ever come up with
such
a situation--and something similar
is possible in
"Athena"--I would have a difficult time working through this
one). It means
that upcoming stories should be
interesting, as
Jack is put on the spot and I am intrigued on how it will work
out.
On the other hand, one weakness I
found in this
story is Q. Is Q somehow involved in the story? He came
across as some
kind of plot device. It
looked like the
G'voda could be an ally in the battle against the Borg, but somehow, it
must be brought
to the attention to the Chamberlain that the
G'voda
are perhaps worse than the Borg. Short of having McCall getting
his nose
bloodied in a confrontation with
these new aliens
to get the point across, MIchael might have dropped in Q to act almost as
a
narrator and give information that
Jack otherwise
would not get. I would not write the scene this way, but perhaps
Q is being
introduced for later use, and that could
justify his appearance here in the overall arc.
Within this particular story, this approach
did not work, as it
looked like a contrived way to bring in some necessary
information.
Another nice touch was the
interaction between
Melissa Vargas and Lee McGuire (coincidence factor, as I was reading this,
I was
writing a scene involving Kelly
McGuire on the
Athena; I wonder if they are related?). Of course, unless the
captain has his nose
in everybody's business, he would not
realistically
know that Vargas and McGuire would have a relationship. Afterall,
wasn't
Mei-Wan surprised to learn about
it? If Jack
knew, I'm pretty sure that this gossip would spread from husband to wife
(or maybe
it should have gone the other way?), but the
captain really shouldn't be blamed for what he did. He did not
know--and then again,
the personal feelings of the crew
really should
not
interfere in what could be a security matter involving a spy and secret
trans-
missions. Then again, I
wonder about this.
McGuire made encrypted transmissions that he attempted to erase from the
logs, but
messages were apparently
harmless. I wonder
why he would have done that, especially attempting to erase the messages
from
the comm logs. That
would just make the
captain and other suspicious of him. Perhaps there is more coming
on here than I
realize.
I just hear Michael going right
now, "Of course
there is!"
In essence, that is the problem with the
story. A lot is going on, and this story does not stand on its
own. The first story did, and perhaps
the third story does too, based
anyway on how the
first chapter is set up, but not this one. This one forces the
reader to go on to the
next one, and learn why Michael
dropped in the
G'voda and Q and the Levalum and the rest.
A couple of final notes... I
notice that Joe's
love
of spreading one person's dialogue over multiple paragraphs has been picked
up by
Michael, although he does not do
it as extensively
as Joe does on "Liberty." Michael also gives enough
identifiers to help the reader
keep track, unlike Joe, who makes
me at least stop
and go over lines and figure out who said what. It's a minor
quibble, although I
do find this particular style
distracting--but
that
is personal preference...sad to say, Michael, but the image in Chapter 7
does not meet
your usual high
standards. It's clear in
this
one that the individual images came from different sources and the quality
of Jack and Mei-
Wan do not match each
other. Undoubtedly, it
would be hard to get photos of the two actors who "portray" these
characters posed in
such a way to allow the
interaction, but nice try
anyway. The images do add to the story...then there's the G'voda
ship--just how big is
that?
Overall, not a bad effort, and
even good within
the
arc. I guess I'm on to reading story number three.
Steve
The Universe
Unbounded.
Visit "Star Trek: Athena" at http://ussathena.iwarp.com;">http://ussathena.iwarp.comhttp://ussathena.iwarp.com">http://ussathena.iwarp.com;
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