>And, of course, Mom has her own ideas about organization. [Which will be
>undone anon -- but, hey, she's saved me the trouble of pulling the books
>out of the boxes, right?] [There is also an unfair advantage that I know
>what we have, and thus.... well whatever]
>Once or twice a visit, despite my Resolutions going into it to Keep my
>Poker Face On, words are said, feelings hurt, defences deployed, and it's
>the bald cat at the porcupine ball.
>
>But we love each other, and do try to respect space.
>They can't help it, they have strong notions and the experience to back
>it, cannot be satisfied just to sit around and be guests.... and are
>still my parents (with all THAT going on).
>And I kick myself for crossing the lines, even when I'm justified.
>
You can't practice finding ways to say it without creating hurt feelings?
When you're justified, then you definitely should speak up - but the *way*
you speak up is what's under your control. How can you say it that will get
your point across without hurting feelings? How have things been said to
your parents in the past without upsetting them? You know screaming OUT OF
THE GARAGE isn't the way to do it, you've demonstrated that, so what's the
alternative? What about the quiet arm around the shoulder, easing him out of
the garages, with a quietly spoken, "Come here, dear," then when
he's out of
visual range of the gift, saying "There's something in there I don't want
you to see just now, so would you mind staying out, please, until I can put
it out of sight? Thanks."
With Mum what about a gently humorous, "You know, Mother, I did put that
where I wanted it, and you do know, don't you, that as soon as you're gone
I'm going to put it back where it belongs."
I find that looking a person in the eye, filling my mind with how much I
love them, and using a soft voice and a smile, will let me tell them things
they don't want to hear.

>[And you'll notice Russ, the sensible, the SURVIVAList, being very VERY
>quiet on the whole matter....]
>
Knowing that they're not doing any structural damage, so anything they do
that he doesn't like can be undone as soon as they're gone, with no hard
feelings in the meantime. I'm a big believer in "pick you battles" - to me
it's not worth causing tension if there's a way of dealing with it without
tension
>
>Speaking of which, while moving some of Russ' books from the closet
>shelves to the newly assembled (thanks Dad!) office shelves, I found an
>OLD hardback. So long in the tooth ("foxed" don't they call it?) and
>moldy in the cover that you can't read it except in certain light:
>"Bulwer's Works" (carefully turning a less than fully
flexible page) The
>Works of Edward Bulwer Lytton (Lord Lytton) Volume VIII. No pub. date --
>so it predates that front matter.
>TEE HEE!!!!
>
Oh. My. God.
>
That's wonderful!! What a treasure! What a find! Worthy of a glass case, no
less. I'm so glad something like that is in a family who understands its
value and will care for it. It breaks my heart when something like that ends
up in the hands of people who go "no one would want a mouldy old book like
that" and throw it in the trash
>> >
>> > oh, you see, the PROBLEM is that I'll spend DAYS sorting the
>> bargain bag
>> > of mixed beads by color, size, and shape....
>> > But my books are all in boxes.
>>
>> but that's *different* :) I understand!
>
>you do!
>could you explain it to me?
>
Not really, but I do recognise the symptoms - except I reverse them. I
obsessively arrange my books, but leave my clothes unpacked,  then don't
understand why I have nothing to wear
>
Laurie going to rearrange the hallway to fit in another bookcase this
weekend Phoenix

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