-=> Quoting Damon A. Getsman to Nancy Backus on 01-Mar-2015 04:34 <=-

 NB>> Kids can be opportunists, for sure..  ;)   But having that openness is
 NB>> so crucial to helping our kids grow up... And if they know that we can
 NB>> and will answer questions, they don't have to go elsewhere to find
 NB>> answers... and hopefully thereby avoid some of the pitfalls...

 DAG> I've always thought so.  One of the biggest mistakes that screwed me
 DAG> over in ways that still occasionally hurt me to this day is the fact
 DAG> that my parents kept everything a secret from me.  Absolutely
 DAG> everything.  They were always too tired to explain things, too.  I've
 DAG> tried to make sure I never repeat those mistakes.  I may've gone to the
 DAG> other extreme, but I don't think it's as bad as throwing a kid to the
 DAG> wolves when he's 17 and has no place to go or no money to his name
 DAG> (because of not letting him work). 

If one is going to one extreme or other, my preference would certainly
be for telling too much than in not teaching at all... And I'd much
rather my child ask me instead of looking for answers in the wrong
places...  :)

 DAG> Oh there are people helping out.  I don't have much of a support net
 DAG> here yet, though.  I really do need to make some good friends who,
 DAG> hopefully, have a few in their number that have kids, or are good with
 DAG> them, and are truly good people.  I meet people so slowly, though, at
 DAG> least in this yuppie neighborhood, that it's a little discouraging. 

Another place that having a job would help... not just in being able to
be in a better-for-you neighborhood, but also having more contacts
yourself just in the normal day-to-day...

 DAG> I'd love for him to have role models behind myself, though.  I keep
 DAG> hoping he'll get some friends with good, successful, and altruistic
 DAG> parents.  I had a few friends like that when I was a kid, and though my
 DAG> own parents went out of their way to shelter me to extremes, they saw
 DAG> that and compensated by trying to show me what effort and experience
 DAG> were worth, and made sure that I at least got some.  They felt bad for
 DAG> me.  I hope that it's not a situation just like this with my son,
 DAG> obviously, but I miss the few friends he had who would have him over
 DAG> for dinner with successful, and good parenting influence, kinds of
 DAG> people at times. 

Getting more settled and less transient should help there..  :)  

 NB>> But, yes... filling in that sort of lack (for you rather than your son)
 NB>> is a good thing, too...  ;)  Admitting that one does need help, either
 NB>> for one's self or for one's charges, can be difficult, admittedly... :)
 NB>> And getting past the old crap in one's life often needs a little help,
 NB>> too... at least in the form of support, and helpful advice...  :)

 DAG> I'm all about looking into the blind spots when I become aware of
 DAG> them.  One of my goals in this life other than to make sure that my son
 DAG> has what he needs to go forward and succeed in this troubling world is
 DAG> to always make sure that I am bettering myself.  I know that I have
 DAG> millions of blind spots from the way that I was raised, antisocially
 DAG> and in a horribly sheltered and abused cult. Sometimes hearing those
 DAG> things that need to be changed is painful, but I've learned to not
 DAG> respond badly, but to introspect, and find out if there is something
 DAG> valid that I need to work on with it. 

And as you go along, you'll probably be finding some of those blind
spots yourself... being revealed as you start to put pieces together
from what others tell you...  :)

 DAG> Heh.  I was kind of discussing a small amount of this with an
 DAG> employer the other day during an interview, sans the abuse and
 DAG> antisocial talk.  ;)

Talking it up as a positive, that you've learned to learn from
others...?  ;)

 DAG> I find that kind of help invaluable.  I hope that I'm in a situation
 DAG> again soon where I have people around that can help me with that more.
 
That would be a good thing, to be sure.. :)

 NB>> Working on it together's a good thing.  :)  It's not too late to rein it
 NB>> in with him, as long as he doesn't think you are just being arbitrary...

 DAG> No, things are getting better for both of us.  I still need to work
 DAG> on it probably a little bit more than him to set the right example, but
 DAG> he's doing very good, even around the house where I've let him get away
 DAG> with it, so long as it's only him, my roommate, and I.

You have more years of having done it wrong to re-learn patterns from,
after all... ;)  And probably the more important lesson he can be
learning from this is that something can be appropriate in one setting,
but totally inappropriate in another...  :)  and how to tell the
difference.... ;)
 
 NB>> It comes with practice... :)

 DAG> Ah the mental training.  Yes.  I missed most of mine today, and I've
 DAG> suffered a little bit for it.  It's amazing how much of a difference on
 DAG> a daily basis that time training the mind helps.

Mental training, yes... and also putting it into daily life practice. :) 

 NB>> All Right....  :)  So now he has something to read and keep him
 NB>> occupied happily...  :)

 DAG> Hell yeah.  He's in love with his tablet.  That reminds me,
 DAG> DragonLance is on it, now I need to configure his reader for him.

Get on it...   
 
 NB>> There's some good teachers at that school, for sure... Did he enjoy
 NB>> being part of the play...?   :)

 DAG> He did, actually.  The videos are huge or I'd post 'em all over.  It
 DAG> was definitely the best elementary school play I've ever seen and all
 DAG> written by the teachers and a couple of writers in the area--- and
 DAG> lines by the students themselves, too!  For the shortcomings of this
 DAG> school, which are legion in the bureaucratic areas, I'll admit this
 DAG> 'arts-focus school' really does drive home some damn good programs in
 DAG> those areas. 

Bureaucracy is often a bugaboo even with good schools... but teachers
make the biggest difference...  :)  And outside support doesn't hurt,
either...  :)

 NB>> That can be an unhappy side effect of transient living... exposure
 NB>> to new bugs all the time..  :)  Now maybe you've built up your
 NB>> immune systems for the new place...  :)

 DAG> I'm keeping my fingers crossed.  ;)  My immune system feels strong
 DAG> like bull, though.  I think we're over the hump. :)

One certainly hopes..  :)

 DAG> Catch ya more later.  It's 4:30am, I should probably be getting some
 DAG> sleep. *grin*

Yeah.... I suppose you should be...    I'm waiting for the rest of
the good news you've promised us, too...  :)

ttyl            neb 

... I understand the answers, the questions throw me.

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