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I found this at a web site, if you don't get the jokes, ask your
computer nerd friends to explain them. 
 
The CAT User's Manual
User Installation and Maintenance Documentation
 
CAT v. 7.0: Completely Autonomous Tester
 
Manufactured by MOMCAT
 
 
System Design Specification
 
 User Friendly
 Mouse Driven
 Self Cleaning
 Energy Saving Standby Mode When Not In Use
 Self Portable Operation
 Dual Video and Audio Input
 Audio Output
 Autosearch Routines for Input Data
 Autosearch for Output Bin
 Instant Transition ( 2 nanoseconds) Between Standby and Full Power Mode
 
 
  Production Details : After basic KIT construction, the unit undergoes six
  weeks of onsite ROM programming and burn-in testing.  Listed features are
  installed during this period. Since MOMCAT uses local suppliers, there may
  be variations between units. MOMCAT's quality assurance may reject inferior
  units. Users may sometimes salvage rejected units.
  Beware of Far East clones. These may violate import restrictions.
 
  Transportation : A suitable transportation case should be used for
  transportation to the operating site. Failure to properly ship a CAT unit
  may result in loss or damage to the unit and serious injury to the user.
 
  Installation Procedures : Upon receiving the CAT unit, the user should
  examine the unit to verify that all I/O channels are  operational. Look for
  minor bugs in or on the system.  Bugs are indicative of the MOMCAT
  production enviroment. The user may manually remove any bugs.
  Bring the CAT to operation in an environment temperature at 20C (plus or
  minus 3 degrees tolerance). Use a quiet room with the primary user(s)
  present.  Open the transporation case and let the CAT unit autoexit.
  Initialize the self learning program catfind() by displaying the input
  bins. These should contain H2O (liquid state, room temperature, 99% purity)
  and dry energy pellets. Immediately afterwards, display the output bin.
  If the user already has a CAT unit successfully installed, it may be
  possible to download BASIC routines to the new CAT. For the first day or
  two, the CAT will stay in self learning mode. When the learn buffer
  overflows, the CAT will autoswitch to sleep() mode. This is normal. The
  MMU system will store the new information to permanent memory. Afer 72
  hours, the CAT will be interacting with the operating environment.
  The unit may be placed in direct sunlight. CAT units are operational in
  all axis: standing, sitting, or laying down. If all basic environment
  requirements are satisfied, the CAT system will produce a slight hum. This
  is normal.
  A new CAT should not exit the primary site facility. Full portability comes
  after extensive burn in. Some users never let the CAT unit autoexit the
  site.  The advantages are longer unit life and fewer bugs. Contact with
  pirate CAT units may lead to unplanned BATCH iteration. Contact with
  untested CATs may lead to virus infection. If allowed to exit, some CAT
  units may try to port across a street. Fatal errors may happen. If you
  decide to let your CAT out, it should have a READ_ME.TXT file with a system
  address and URL which identifies the host site.
  Your CAT should have a system name. The name may need to be reinitialized
  repeatedly until the system can read it correctly. This lets you issue
  voice commands to bring the unit to an online state. Many owners give their
  CATs a secret password as well. You can also get the CAT's attention by
  booting the system.  While this is effective, it is discouraged. Too much
  booting will abuse the system.  Such units will sit across the room with
  its back to you.
 
  Applications : At present, there are few productivity applications for CAT.
  MOUSE is a killer app. This is pre-installed.
  Many owners use their system for game playing. CATs play best when they are
  young. Older units suffer a system timing decay which leads to reduced
  response and flexibility. Some CAT games are:
 
 
  CACHE
  The CAT will CACHE a data string. Similar to the K9 unit game, but the
  object must be smaller.
  JUMP
  Move the data string through the air. The CAT unit will reach new heights
  of operation.
  MIRROR
  Place the unit in front of a mirror and watch it attempt to parse itself.
  Some units may ESCape. Reboot the system by calling its name.
  CHASE
  Played between two CAT units or a CAT and a K9 unit. Units take turns as
  one is the data and the other attempts to parse it.
  DANCE and SING
  Offer fishy data code to elicit a range of audio output.
 
  Maintenance : CATs will self-recharge. This takes 20 hours in a 24 hour
  cycle.
  CATs are self cleaning and require little user maintenance. Do not clean
  the unit with alcohol or benzine-based solvents. This may lead to a violent
  explosion.
  A CAT unit should be taken once a year to a VET (Very Expensive Technician)
  for a system checkup.
  Do not attempt to open a CAT. There are no user serviceable parts inside.
  If a unit emits strange smells or sounds, it should be serviced immediately
  by a VET.
  You may examine the rear of the CAT unit to determine if it has a male or
  female scuzzy port. CATs with a male port may emit a non-toxic aerosol. The
 
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