Re: Daughter Advice
  By: Ruben Figueroa to Steve Wolf on Sun Apr 10 2016 08:56:00

 >  SW> I have recently connected with my 18 year old daughter. We haven't
 >  SW> seen each other since she was 8 years old. I'm finding myself in
 >  SW> "Un-Charted Waters". Do I act like her father? A
friend? Her uncle?
 >  SW> What? I don't know much about her so I don't want to overwhelm her
 >  SW> with questions. How should I procede? Any advice would be greatly
 > 
 > Never been in those shoes.  But I will give you what I think.
 > 
 > 1. You have not been involved in her life as her dad, but you are
 > genetically.
 > 2. Since you haven't been, then talk to her as another adult
 > 3. Only offer guidance, advice and opinions when she asks is receptive to
 > that and you will know because she will prompt you
 > 4. Be there for here as any adult with someone they care about and make sure
 > to listen and refrain from trying to fix anything
 > 5. Treat her like a new friend that you want to be on better terms with
 > 
 > Last of all do not set any rules, but you can set boundaries (what/how you
 > live your life and what you will or definitely will not do)
 > 
 > Don't know if this is any good.  I imagine over time with the development of
 > your relationship with her you can development a structure of father and
 > daughter wherein she recoginizes you as such.  But she has to acknowledge
 > that role, you can't impose it.
 > 
 > Best wishes.
 > 
 > -*- Open!EDIT v0.99k+
  This sounds spot on to me also. Also be able and ready to answer any question
that she might bring up as to why you have not been in contact with her. But at
the same time be very careful of how you talk about people that has been in her
life all this time if there are hurt feelings between them and you. Now is not
the time for her to see or hear about them from you. This is the time for
rebuilding between you and her and those feelings could hurt that if talked
about to early.

Michael Deig
Bufkin Ridge Ranch -Sysop

Let your spirit be free like wild horse running!
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