On 27 Mar 2005 21:32:15 -0800, "$2 Strawberry Salesman Spotter"
 wrote:

>
>Skinner1{at}hotmail.com wrote:
>> On 26 Mar 2005 13:58:17 -0800, "$2 Strawberry Salesman Spotter"
>>  wrote:
>>
>> >
>> >Skinner1{at}hotmail.com wrote:
>> >
>> >> I think the concept is that they are at very least partially
>> >> responsible for their situations and now that they have been cast
>> >> aside by the people they chose they expect to find us, the guys
>they
>> >> looked over int he first place waiting there with a smile and a
>> >> sympathetic shoulder to lean on.
>> >>
>> >> And that is insulting at very least.
>> >
>> >
>> >Depends how you look at it. Maybe an analogy will clarify.
>> >
>> >Let's say a few years ago I applied for a job at Acme. I was turned
>> >down on the grounds I didn't have the minimum academic
>qualifications
>> >they were then seeking. The years pass: Acme Ltd (poss. on account
>of
>> >some questionable business practices, or for other reasons) hasn't
>done
>> >so well. Many of their star employees have left, sales are
>languishing.
>> >I get a letter from them, mentioning they have my CV on file, and
>that
>> >it appears I now fulfil all their requisites for the currently
>> >advertised post of Production Manager.
>> >
>> >I can "feel insulted".
>> >
>> >Or I can check out what the salary, prospects and perqs are (with
>due
>> >attention to company forecasts and recent Annual Reports, natch).
>> >
>> >If it looks like a reasonable offer (or if I'm desperate for work),
>> >I'll probably go for it. If I think the offer isn't so great, and/or
>> >I'm doing OK in my present job, I might decide to decline it. In
>either
>> >case, I doubt very much I would sit down and write a bitter,
>plaintive
>> >Usenet post about it.
>> >
>> >See, it's just economics, supply and demand. Not rocket science, and
>> >really no big deal.
>> >
>> >But in a way I'm glad there are people around who pass up good
>offers
>> >out of offended dignity on account of Their Highnesses not getting
>> >first bite. More choice and shorter shortlists for the rest of us.
>:-)
>>
>> I understand your point. And you make a valid one if you look past
>the
>> obvious nit picking that could be done.
>>
>> I cannot dispute your contention..... that one swallow one's dignity
>> in light of cold logical analysis. But what you do not take into
>> account is the varying degree of dignity that each person posesses. I
>> feel sure you too have your limits. You would have a very hard time
>> convincing me that you had no sense of outrage at personal insults.
>>
>> And the snyd little part about leaving more there for the rest of
>> you.... well, I have seen the true face of those choices and if
>that's
>> what you want.... more power to you.
>
>Put it this way. You are never obliged to enter into a relationship
>with anyone, and are hardly likely to want to do so with someone who
>(for whatever reason) makes you feel humiliated or insulted. That's
>pretty obvious. The question is about where you place those limits,
>beyond which you are able only to feel a sense of offended pride.
>

You are very right. ANd it certainly ius all about individual limits.
ANd how long can you live with yourself when you relinquish your
pride? Although..... thelogians will tell you that pride is a sin.

>I'm sure you're right in saying we all have *some* limits. I can't
>recollect ever feeling insulted by any woman's romantic or sexual
>overtures, but I daresay there are circumstances under which it might
>happen. However, if I'd made a habit of speculating, every time the
>chance of a relationship (short or long term) presented itself, whether
>I'd have been that person's Ideal First Choice ten, twenty years
>previously, and if I'd been disposed to feel offended whenever the
>evidence suggested this might not have been the case, I think I would
>have had a pretty lonely and miserable time of it.
>

It's not the oveture that is in question. It is the timing of that
oveture that is ofensive to some. And the fact that they have FINALLY
gotten down to the bottom of their barrel and NOW expect to be treated
with the UTMOST of respect for who and what they are!

We aren't asking to be the first choice here.... I think the age of
expecting a virgin bride are long past. We are talking about being
ignored and rejected continuously by a certain segment of the female
population and after their choices have led them to their OWN
desperation expecting US to be thankful for their attentions NOW!

And Yes, It HAS been a pretty lonely and at times a VERY miserable
time of it.... but it's not cause I didn't try!!! It's cause I wasn't
one of the "chosen".

>People change, and what matters is the here and now. I doubt very much
>whether my current girlfriend would have been interested in me when I
>was 25 - but then, no sane woman would have wanted a guy who dressed
>like that, so no surprises there. Conversely, I shudder to think what
>would have happened if I'd stuck with the neurotic harpy I was
>entangled with around that time. I've done some growing up, some taking
>stock, some learning from mistakes, and so has she (current partner),
>and the result is that each is now able to appreciate better what the
>other has to offer.
>

Oh YEAH people change. Changing one's fashion tastests is a lot easier
than changing one's height or looks. Remember too that desperation
will make some people really drop all pretenses.

Huh.... I wonder what it might have been like to be STUCK with ANY
women 25 years ago.

>To put it another way: if your pride filter is merely rejecting a type
>of woman whose *current* personality (frivolous, opportunistic,
>hypocritical, whatever) you wouldn't want to deal with anyway, then
>it's doing its proper job. But if it's forcing you to pass up
>potentially rewarding relationships on the basis of some deep-seated
>blanket resentment that prevents you from even getting close enough to
>find out what's really on offer, HERE AND NOW, then it seems to me like
>some cognitive furniture-rearrangement might be in order.
>
>That's all.

Tell you what. YOU go out there and look at what's available to a 50
year old man and tell me the prospects are appealing. Especially
considering you were denied the joys of youthful physical attractions.




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