Jeff,

JS> I go to the doctors as little as possible. Recently though I decided
JS>to "Bite The Bullet" and drive myself to the hospital. I
wasn't in pain
JS>really. Just didn't feel right. Turns out (They told me) that I had a total
JS>blockage of blood feeding the heart muscles. And that I made it to the
JS>hospital
JS>with minutes to spare. That was reaffirmed by how fast they were rushing me
JS>down the halls on the gurney. They used their little "Roto
Rooter" machine
JS>to clean my pipes. 

  I had a cardiac cath done once myself...they didn't find any blockage,
but found that I have high blood pressure.

JS>    The doctor that I had seemed to be nice. He seemd to be someone that a
JS>patient could actually hold a conversation with. Did I mention that I really
JS>HATE hospital beds. That was the most uncomfortable thing to even try to sle
JS>on. Which isn't helped by the folks that stop by every couple hours to see i
JS>your still alive.  Im doing ok but can't handle stairs or
hills very well
JS>Guess my plans to be a mountain climber are shelved.

  The worst part for me, is that my veins tend to roll over, hide,
collapse, etc. when they see needles coming, and they want you to sleep on
your back. It's like being crucified as they repeatedly "stick
me" to find a good vein, then I can't sleep on my back.

  The late Red Skelton had part of his routine dealing with hospitals,
doctors, nurses, etc. He said "Nurses...they mean well, but they'll
drive you nuts!!"...with things like "Wake Up!! Wake Up!! Time
For Your Sleeping Pill!!" -- been there, done that. Or, they give you
the sleeping pill at the same time they give you the laxative to clean out
your bowels. Just as your about to nod off, your colon goes into rebellion,
and you're lucky to make it to the toilet!!

  In a show in Branson, Missouri, a few years ago...Tom Mullica was doing
"A Tribute To Red Skelton"...and he looked and sounded like the
late comedian. When he found out that they was a group of nurses in the
audience, he was elated!! Gushing with joy, he said "I'm so glad all
of you are here today, as I've been dying to ask this question". The
hall got deal quiet, and he asked "Have we had our bowel movement
today??". :P The nurses were as red as tomatoes from blushing, but the
rest of the hall was roaring in laughter, as they know it's true
nowadays..."you can't go home until you go poop"!! :P

  Or the part where they "baby talk" to you...such as "How
Are We Today??"..."Did We Sleep Well??"..."Shall We
Have Our Bath Now??". Red said "Ol' WE almost fainted on that
one!!" . If they ever ask me "Shall We Have Our
Enema??", I'm going to be tempted to ask "Oh, I get to give you
one, too??"!! :P

  One guy apparently got so disgusted about this nurse baby talking to him,
that he ordered a thing of apple juice, and he hid it from view. This nurse
came in to ask for a urine sample, and then stepped out of the room.
Unknown to her, he poured the apple juice in the cup instead, and it looked
just like urine. However, since it had "sat" for awhile, it was
"warm", similar to urine. When the nurse came back in, she picked
up the specimen container, and lamented "Oh! It's a bit dark!!".
He grabbed the deal from her, and said "That's OK, I'll run it through
again!!", and promptly swigged down the apple juice. The nurse fainted
dead away, and NEVER bothered him again!! :P

JS>The sad thing to me was being a dad and having none of my kids showing up or
JS>at least calling. I did get a glad your ok msg after I got back home from on
JS>though.

  I never had kids, due to having chicken pox at age 20...catching it from
my brother's first wife's kids. His case was mild, but mine was so severe,
that it put me in the hospital for a week, and out of work at the Burger
King across from the local college, where I was a student, for 2 months. It
was as if someone had dropped me into a vat of itching powder. Top to
bottom, front to back (including the genitals and buttocks) were COVERED
with the pox. They put me into ISOLATION, as they thought I was going into
encephalitis. Family and medical staff coming to see me had to don surgical
gear. The doctor said that "it was the worst case that he had ever
seen". I've got the shingles virus inside me now, but I had a shot for
it, plus for tetnaus, and pneumonia, over 3 years ago...I understand that
shingles is EXTREMELY PAINFUL.


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