To: 
From: "Steve Oostrom" 
Reply-To: trekcreative{at}yahoogroups.com

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>I see your point.  This was not a story in which much
of anything is resolved. The first story lent itself more to an individual
story feel. "Enemies and Allies" was problematic because of where
it is in the larger story and what happens with the characters.  At a
couple of points I considered giving=20 it a more traditional stand alone
structure, but it lost the sense of being a story about growing
complications which is what it is really about.

Perhaps the focus of this story should have been on Vargas and McGuire,
per= haps showing more of their
relationship and the betrayal of that relationship when McCall gave the
ord= er to pry.  As mentioned later,
perhaps more time should have passed between the time Mei-Wan learned about=
 the order and Jack gave
the order to Vargas, which might give him time to reflect on what he was
as= king her to do for the good of
the ship.  With that being the focus, the other arc-building stuff could
ha= ve been thrown in almost as
things to distract Jack while advancing the overall plot.

>This was difficult for me as well.  On the one hand
Jack McCall is a 24th century Starfleet Officer and should be able to
figure his way out of this logically, but he's also human and this woman
means more to him than even he realizes, so his emotions will be driving
more of his responses than he might want.=20

It makes his dilemma very interesting.  Somehow, it would be drier and not
= quite as interesting if Jack
simply sat down and through logic worked his way through all of this.

>The primary reason for Q's appearance in "Enemies" is
as set up for later stories and to establish a "sort of"
relationship with Jack.  (I doubt anyone can have a real relationship with
one of the Q.)

>The information Q gives really isn't the point of=20
that scene.

This is probably something that would become clear in subsequent stories,
b= ut within this story, the impression that I got was that Q was there to
tell Jack what he needed to know about t= he G'voda, while the conversation
in my mind got a little irritating at times.  Given your primary reason, I
= now see why you wrote the scene as you did.

>Part of this is a result of the way in which I am
telling the larger Dark Horizon story.  It is intended to be one large
story which will run around twenty-six to twenty-eight installments.

Have you pretty well plotted out how "Dark Horizon" is going to
go, so you'= re writing with a clear idea on how the overall story idea is
going to proceed?  Have you just sketched out the ove= rall storyline, or
have you done it in detail?

Steve
The Universe Unbounded.

Visit "Star Trek: Athena" at http://ussathena.iwarp.com






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>I see your point.  This was not a story in
which muchof
anything is resolved. The first storylent itself more to an
individual story
feel."Enemies and Allies" was problematic because of
whereit is in the larger story and what happens with
thecharacters.  At a couple of points I considered
giving it a more traditional stand alone structure, but
itlost the sense of being a story about growing
complicationswhich is what it is really about.
 
Perhaps the focus of this story
should have been
on
Vargas and McGuire, perhaps showing more of their
relationship and the betrayal of
that relationship
when McCall gave the order to pry.  As mentioned
later,
perhaps more time should have
passed between the
time Mei-Wan learned about the order and Jack gave
the order to Vargas, which might
give him time to
reflect on what he was asking her to do for the good of
the ship.  With that
being the focus, the
other arc-building stuff could have been thrown in almost as
things to distract Jack while advancing the
overall
plot.
 
>This was difficult for me as well.  On the one
handJack
McCall
is a 24th century Starfleet Officer andshould be able to figure
his way out of this logically,but he's also human and this woman
means more to him thaneven he realizes, so his emotions will be
drivingmore of his responses than he might want.
It makes his dilemma very
interesting.  Somehow, it would be drier and not quite as
interesting if Jack
simply sat down and through logic
worked his way
through all of this.
 
>The primary reason for Q's appearance in
"Enemies" isas set up for
later stories and to establish a "sortof" relationship
with Jack.  (I doubt anyone can havea real relationship
with one of the Q.)>The information Q gives
really isn't the point of that scene.
 
This is probably something that
would become clear
in subsequent stories, but within this story, the impression
that I got was that Q was there to
tell Jack what
he needed to know about the G'voda, while the conversation
in my mind got a little irritating
at times. 
Given your primary reason, I now see why you wrote the scene as you
did.
 
>Part of this is a result of the way in which I
amtelling the
larger
Dark Horizon story.  It is intendedto be one large story
which will run
aroundtwenty-six to twenty-eight installments.
Have you pretty well plotted out
how "Dark
Horizon"
is going to go, so you're writing with a clear idea on how
the
overall story idea is going to
proceed?  Have
you just sketched out the overall storyline, or have you done it
in
detail?
 
Steve
The Universe
Unbounded.
 
Visit "Star Trek: Athena" at http://ussathena.iwarp.com;">http://ussathena.iwarp.comhttp://ussathena.iwarp.com">http://ussathena.iwarp.com;
 








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