To:
From: "Steve Oostrom"
Reply-To: trekcreative{at}yahoogroups.com
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Comments on "Murder in the Rue de Verre"
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Warning: May contain spoilers
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On the second try, I actually managed to get through Garry's latest story,
= "Murder in the Rue de Verre."
The first time, I aborted the try because of all the mistakes that
should'v= e been corrected in editing,
things like run together sentences, that old familiar "just
deserts" (what'= s a just desert, the Sahara,
the Gobi?) and something new. According to this story, a
"corner" investig= ates crime scenes and
bodies. Geez, I always thought that was a job for a coroner (up here in
Ca= nada, anyway, the word
is pronounced with three syllables and can't be confused with
"corner," but=
I don't know about the States).
Another problem I had was that Garry sometimes will go too long without
ind= icating who is speaking
a particular line. Sometimes I find eight or ten consecutive lines of
dial= ogue with no identifiers, and in
most cases, it is easy to lose track on who is saying what.
Anyway, although murder mysteries are usually not myhing, I did read this
s= tory more for the background,
to get a feel for High Crystal Station and the rest. My conclusion, it's a=
place to go if you don't care
about your liver.
First of all, I doubt that Garry would've written the story if the original=
accused, Cyano Pepper (cool name),
was in fact the murderer. That eliminated him, and left suspicion on
someo= ne inside the brothel. From
the beginning, I thought Pomadore was in on it, and all that was left to
de= termine was whether or not
Terkos could get enough evidence to arrest her and convict her, and of
cour= se, to determine what the motive
was.
Of course, what doesn't help the cause is that the criminals involved were
= really stupid. First of all,
they kill one of the working girls, the Cait Mumccu. Although the story
di= d not explicitly state the reason,
I suspect that Mumccu was aware of the Qzin meat-making operaiton and might=
have been preparing to
blow the whistle, so they kill her while she is with a customer, after
admi= nistering to both of them Amblin,
some kind of drug that erases memories. Then they get stupid, and fake the=
disposal of her body so
that she could be turned into Qzin meat as well, and they do this fully
awa= re that the "real" brother would
show up eventually to claim a body that had already been claimed by the
fak= e brother. To cover their
butts, they should have let the murder stand and let the real Rafersan
clai= m the body and leave with it.
Instead, we have another stupid, greedy, pair of criminals who try to cover=
up one murder with another
murder. Stupid, stupid.
Of course, the whole idea here defies logic. As far as I can tell, the Rue=
de Verre was a brothel that
lured in "transients," who are then killed and their bodies
butchered as me= at to feed the tastes that the
Qzin have for eating the flesh of sentient beings. Presumably this is rare=
meat, highly valued and
earns a lot of money for those that provide it. The problem here are the
p= eople that disappear in the
Rue de Verre. I have no idea how many met their demise in the brothel, but=
even if it is just a couple,
they would be noticed, I think. These "transients" might have
come on a sh= ip. They might have
rented a cabin on the station, and left their belongings behind. Then they=
disappear. How would the
meat harvesters know the person is a transient who would not be missed? It=
's possible they could
mark a person who is on a freighter and who would be missed. I think in
sh= ort order, the disappearances
would get Terkos and his people looking at that problem. In the story, it
= seems that they were blissfully
unaware of what was happening until the murder. Somehow, that doesn't seem=
right to me. Also,
it appears that another thing that tripped up the murderers was dumping the=
"human and other species'
remains" in the waste reclamation system. Somehow, when butchering
the oth= er bodies, some of that
waste would have entered the system, things like the blood that would drip
= out and other things best
left to the imagination. This should have sounded an alert earlier if it
s= ounded the alert that finally got the two.
Murder on a space station is difficult to pull off, since there would be
re= cords of people coming and going,
the security videoes (like the one in the bar that tripped up the clumsy
as= sassin) and material introduced
into the waste reclamation system could be detected. This story, I feel,
t= ook a few steps over the line
in terms of the logic, and introduced stupid killers as well. This is no
k= nock on Garry, since it takes
talent to write mystery stories (a talent I don't have), and if the
scenari= o doesn't hold together, it makes
the whole story weaker.
As for the character of Nardo... exactly what is that and what is he trying=
to prove?
When watching "Star Trek," I tend to rate episodes. For example,
I rated t= he "Enterprise" finale "The
Expanse" as a four out of five. Since "Murder in the Rue de
Verre" is an e= pisode of "Epipheny Trek,"
I can give it a rating. I'd say two and a half. On the plus side, the Ane=
proved interesting and were
well-used, and Garry did provide a little more description than normal.
Al= though I had a good idea early
on who the murderer was, I was intrigued enough to wonder why to read the
w= hole story. On the
other hand, the story could use another editing pass. The character of
Nar= do is the closest to a Jar
Jar Binks character I've seen in Trek fan fiction. And of course, the
logi= c of the story has enough holes
to fly a starship through.
That doesn't mean I'm not waiting for the next Garry-Trek tale. I am, actu= ally.
Steve
The Universe Unbounded.
Visit "Star Trek: Athena" at http://ussathena.iwarp.com
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Comments on "Murder in the Rue de
Verre"
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Warning: May contain
spoilers
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On the second try, I actually managed to get
through Garry's latest story, "Murder in the Rue de
Verre."
The first time, I aborted the try
because of all
the mistakes that should've been corrected in editing,
things like run together sentences, that old
familiar "just deserts" (what's a just desert, the
Sahara,
the Gobi?) and something
new. According to
this story, a "corner" investigates crime scenes
and
bodies. Geez, I always
thought that was a
job
for a coroner (up here in Canada, anyway, the word
is pronounced with three syllables
and can't be
confused with "corner," but I don't know about the
States).
Another problem I had was that
Garry sometimes
will
go too long without indicating who is speaking
a particular line.
Sometimes I find eight or
ten consecutive lines of dialogue with no identifiers, and
in
most cases, it is easy to lose
track on who is
saying what.
Anyway, although murder mysteries
are usually
not myhing, I did read this story more for the
background,
to get a feel for High Crystal
Station and the
rest. My conclusion, it's a place to go if you don't
care
about your liver.
First of all, I doubt that Garry
would've written
the story if the original accused, Cyano Pepper (cool name),
was in fact the
murderer. That eliminated
him, and left suspicion on someone inside the brothel.
From
the beginning, I thought Pomadore
was in on it,
and
all that was left to determine was whether or not
Terkos could get enough evidence
to arrest her and
convict her, and of course, to determine what the motive
was.
Of course, what doesn't help the
cause is that the
criminals involved were really stupid. First of
all,
they kill one of the working girls, the Cait
Mumccu. Although the story did not explicitly state the
reason,
I suspect that Mumccu was aware of the Qzin
meat-making operaiton and might have been preparing to
blow the whistle, so they kill her
while she is
with a customer, after administering to both of them
Amblin,
some kind of drug that erases
memories. Then
they get stupid, and fake the disposal of her body so
that she could be turned into Qzin
meat as well,
and they do this fully aware that the "real" brother
would
show up eventually to claim a body that had
already
been claimed by the fake brother. To cover their
butts, they should have let the
murder stand and
let the real Rafersan claim the body and leave with it.
Instead, we have another
stupid, greedy, pair
of criminals who try to cover up one murder with another
murder. Stupid,
stupid.
Of course, the whole idea here
defies logic.
As far as I can tell, the Rue de Verre was a brothel that
lured in "transients,"
who are then killed and
their bodies butchered as meat to feed the tastes that the
Qzin have for eating the flesh of sentient
beings. Presumably this is rare meat, highly valued
and
earns a lot of money for those that provide
it. The problem here are the people that disappear in
the
Rue de Verre. I have no
idea how many met
their demise in the brothel, but even if it is just a
couple,
they would be noticed, I
think. These
"transients" might have come on a ship. They might
have
rented a cabin on the station, and
left their
belongings behind. Then they disappear. How would
the
meat harvesters know the person is
a transient who
would not be missed? It's possible they could
mark a person who is on a
freighter and who would
be missed. I think in short order, the
disappearances
would get Terkos and his people
looking at that
problem. In the story, it seems that they were
blissfully
unaware of what was
happening until the
murder. Somehow, that doesn't seem right to me.
Also,
it appears that another thing that
tripped up the
murderers was dumping the "human and other species'
remains" in the waste
reclamation system.
Somehow, when butchering the other bodies, some of that
waste would have entered the
system, things like
the blood that would drip out and other things best
left to the imagination.
This should have
sounded an alert earlier if it sounded the alert that finally got
the
two.
Murder on a space station is
difficult to pull
off,
since there would be records of people coming and going,
the security videoes (like the one
in the bar that
tripped up the clumsy assassin) and material introduced
into the waste reclamation system could be
detected. This story, I feel, took a few steps over the
line
in terms of the logic, and introduced stupid
killers as well. This is no knock on Garry, since it
takes
talent to write mystery stories (a
talent I don't
have), and if the scenario doesn't hold together, it makes
the whole story
weaker.
As for the character of Nardo...
exactly what is
that and what is he trying to prove?
When watching "Star
Trek," I tend to rate
episodes. For example, I rated the "Enterprise" finale
"The
Expanse" as a four out of
five. Since
"Murder
in the Rue de Verre" is an episode of "Epipheny
Trek,"
I can give it a rating.
I'd say two and a
half. On the plus side, the Ane proved interesting and
were
well-used, and Garry did provide a
little more
description than normal. Although I had a good idea
early
on who the murderer was, I was
intrigued enough to
wonder why to read the whole story. On the
other hand, the story could use
another editing
pass. The character of Nardo is the closest to a
Jar
Jar Binks character I've seen in Trek fan
fiction. And of course, the logic of the story has enough
holes
to fly a starship
through.
That doesn't mean I'm not waiting
for the next
Garry-Trek tale. I am, actually.
Steve
The Universe
Unbounded.
Visit "Star Trek: Athena" at http://ussathena.iwarp.com;">http://ussathena.iwarp.comhttp://ussathena.iwarp.com">http://ussathena.iwarp.com;
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