*** Quoting Teresa Herman from a message to Ruth Haffly ***
RH> copy.  I know you're not a beginning sewer so maybe I'll send you a
RH> "beta" version so you can critique it.  I also have to do the
RH> drawings
RH> that go with it.
TH> Hi Ruth: I would be honored to do this for you.  And I understand 
TH> about the wait.  We got my DH's daughter married off in September 
TH> last year, and know all about the preparations.  And I didn't have to 
TH> make anything for it.  We just had to pay for it.
TH> When things settle down, I would be glad to critique and help make 
TH> suggestions, etc. Teresa
Sad rememeberance.  I lost a good friend due to her wedding arrangements.  
She wanted me to be 'Maid of Honor' and picked out a lovely gown.  Then she 
sent me the pattern and the material.
Sorry to say but i was not able to afford to have it made nor was I able to 
handle it myself.  I told her right away I needed help, but she didnt seem to 
understand this.  Afterall, she was paying so much for the wedding, she 
couldnt afford to pay for my gown and apparently couldnt make it herself 
either.
I took a serious lesson from this that i applied when I got married. I did 
not task my friends with anything at all that they couldnt handle.  For 
clothes, it wasnt relevant as we got married at the courthouse.  We just had 
a party afterwards and folks brought a dish.  A list was made of just who was 
bringing what so folks could see and not make 100 cheesecakes and nothing 
else .
It worked well.  Had a hell of a good party and got lots of 'other stuff' 
with no pressure to do more than 'enjoy our beginning a new life'.
I've always felt sorry for that friend who had a miserable wedding, but I 
learned from it and didnt repeat the mistakes.
Here is what I learned:
Wedding misery:
Require a specific dress pattern (or range) then leave it to the folks to pay 
for it.  (Unless your guests all have a big income, not possible)
Make notes on how you are registered with such-and-such upscale china etc 
place and folks will feel they have to buy just that whjen they cant afford 
it (folks with big incomes can do this but most of us cant).
Wedding party bliss:
Accept the amount your friends finacial status allows for. A gift is normal 
but best unless really well off, not to specify what you want other than 'JC 
Penny gift certificates' etc. Hawaii has a lovely tradition of the 'Money 
tree' which we used as we lived there just then.  Its a little metal treelike 
item and you clip some cash to it if you didnt have time for a gift.  The 
money is used to pay for the party.  Small bills, 5$ max normally.
Dress for the wedding, just tell the folks to wear a particular color if part 
of the ceremony.  Ie:  Mostly white as almost anyone can find that sort on 
the closet.  Guests can be told, 'please dress up a bit' and let it be at 
that.  Sure some will show in sneakers but they are your friends and took the 
time to be there right?  Good enough!
Smile, I am speaking for the average to below average income here.  MJy 
actual party was 150 folks who loved us and came to wish us well, and broght 
a dish of food or some chips etc.  They came as they were, and we had a fine 
time.
                                       xxcarol
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