From the Feb. 1998 issue of "Wavelengths", the monthly newsletter of the 
Arkansas Radio Emergency Services Amateur Radio Club, Little Rock, Arkansas. 
The Wavelengths editor is Fred Hunt, KK5AA.
  The pet Ham is one of the most intelligent of pets, often seeming almost 
human. But, he can also be one of the most difficult to keep. Only a person 
with a great deal of patience and understanding should attempt to keep a pet 
Ham. The following is a short guide to some of the most important things that 
you should know about caring for your pet Ham.
LIVING AREA:
  Your pet Ham should have a private area of his own, an entire room, if 
possible, where he will not be disturbed. He will spend many happy hours 
alone there, with his collection of treasures (boxes, wires, bits of metal, 
glass, paper, plastic, etc. that he will bring home regularly). He should be 
encouraged to confine his activities to this nest room, in order to protect 
the rest of the house from his natural tendencies toward noise, clutter, and 
making holes in the walls.
EXPENSES:
  Raising your pet Ham can turn into an expensive hobby. But, unlike most 
pets, the pet Ham can be trained to work outside the home for short periods, 
and thus, bring in enough money to cover all of his expenses.
FEEDING:
  The well behaved pet Ham will be able to eat with the family on occasion. 
But, he usually feels more comfortable and secure if he can take many of his 
meals in the privacy of his nest room. It will be your responsibility to see 
that your pet Ham is kept well supplied with food and drinks during the long 
periods of time that he will spend alone in the nest room.
HOUSEKEEPING:
  Pet Hams can usually be trained to use the family bathroom facilities.
OBEDIENCE TRAINING:
  Most pet Hams can be trained to respond to a few simple commands. The 
easiest for him is SIT and SPEAK. Once your pet Ham has learned these 
commands, he will sometimes practice them on his own for hours at a time.
HEALTH CARE:
  The pet Ham is especially subject to minor irritations of the lower back, 
and sore throat; from too much sitting and speaking. The special CW breed 
tends to have a tired wrist rather than sore throat...and RTTY versions may 
suffer from tired and hurting eyes, depending on his age and monitor. These 
can be relieved by sufficient rest periods when symptoms flare up.
TRAVELING:
  Your pet Ham will gladly travel with you in the family car, if he is 
allowed to bring some of the collection from his nest room. His favorite 
trips will be to places where he can associate with other pet Hams from other 
families.
BREEDING:
  If you plan to breed your pet Ham, you should do so as early as possible 
after you get him. As the pet Ham matures, he becomes more and more reluctant 
to engage in any activities not connected with his nest room collection!!
--- GTMail 1.26 
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