http://www.mensnewsdaily.com/archive/c-e/c-e-misc/ellsworth011705.htm

Yes, Ms. Dowd: Feminism Really Was A Cruel Hoax

January 17, 2005


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by Eva Ellsworth
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Maureen Dowd's January 13, 2005 New York Times column "Men Just Want
Mommy" 
brought back the memory of a once popular talk t.v. topic - women who were 
so pretty that men were afraid to ask them for dates.  In the new version of 
"Why is my beauty such a curse", Ms. Dowd refers to two studies.  One 
suggests that men would rather marry their subordinates than their 
supervisors.  (Note: The study said "subordinates or equals", but that 
doesn't support Dowd's point.)  The other study states that the higher a 
woman's I.Q. is, the lower her marriage prospects are.  Ms. Dowd's implied 
attitude that she is incredibly smart and successful may be one reason some 
accomplished women aren't finding mates.  Conceited people just aren't 
lovable.
The column makes references to movies such as Spanglish.  The plots feature 
successful men who fall in love with women in subservient positions who may 
or may not speak the same language the man speaks.  Ms. Dowd states "a lot 
of guys want to be in relationships with women they don't have to talk to." 
Since few men marry women with whom they have no common language, the 
implication is women who work in subordinate positions are dolts who are 
incapable of intelligent conversation.  Apparently, Ms. Dowd thinks 
secretaries, nannies and others in service jobs do not read books or 
newspapers, take courses or have hobbies or interests.

As for the first study, is it necessarily a bad thing for men to prefer 
equals and subordinates as wives?  Ms. Dowd bemoans the "trend"
that "famous 
and powerful men took up with the young women whose job it was to tend to 
them and care for them in some way: their secretaries, assistants, nannies, 
caterers, flight attendants, researchers and fact checkers."  The attraction 
is perfectly normal because, traditionally, wives nurture their husbands and 
children.  Also, don't all people want spouses who will care for them?  For 
example, I like it when a man walks me to my door and sees me safely inside 
after a date.  Men who do that make me feel more cared for than those who 
expect me to drive myself home.

I think there is another reason why men tend to get involved with 
secretaries, assistants, researchers, fact checkers and nannies.  These jobs 
involve working closely with one's boss.  Daily one-on-one interactions are 
conducive to the formation of close friendships and, possibly, to romance. 
Men usually do not enter these professions.   Generally, when women are 
supervisors, their male employees work more independently.  This often 
limits interactions to daily briefings and departmental meetings - 
situations in which the development of close friendship or romance is less 
likely.

The I.Q. study results may not mean men like stupid women.  Women with high 
I.Q.s may be so involved in intellectual pursuits that they have little time 
for socializing.  It is also possible that women with high I.Q.s may be less 
adept at small talk and other social skills than less intellectually gifted 
women.

There are many possible explanations of the results of these studies. 
Explanations other than Ms. Dowd's unflattering idea that men like women who 
work in subservient jobs, (and, presumably, have low I.Q.s), because these 
women cater to them and "look upon the men they work for as 'the moon, the 
sun and the stars'".   After reading her "Men Just Want
Mommy" column, I 
decided that if Ms. Dowd is single, it might be because she has a low 
opinion of men.

Ms. Dowd asked, "So was the feminist movement a cruel hoax?"  Yes, it was. 
Not because, "The more women achieve, the less desirable they are?" but 
because feminism led some women to forego their true desires to pursue 
careers they did not particularly want.  My secret ambition was to be a 
1950s style housewife.  I kept that dream in the closet for many years 
because the feminist movement made me feel it was wrong to want that.  I did 
what I was supposed to do - college followed by career.  The pressure to 
excel left little time for a social life.  When I was 27, I experienced 
ovarian failure.  Not only will I never be able to bear a child; I will also 
have a harder time finding a husband as a result.  My message to young women 
is that one can go to college or find career success at any age.  When it 
comes to having a family, it may be too late too soon.

Eva Ellsworth



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