In a message dated 9/29/02 4:22:29 PM Pacific Daylight Time, 
lezlielioness{at}bytewright.com writes:

<< Begin," the AI answered, "Green Teamsters up."
    The tiny figures took their places in the holo-sphere: the Reds and the
 Greens, the Umpire standing out behind the baseplate in bright yellow.  The
 Green pitcher brought up three glowing globes and pitched them at the bases. 
 "Strrriiikkkeeee...!" bellowed the Umpire, his gaping tooth filled maw 
filling
 the holo-sphere, "and .... yererre out!"  "Kill the Umpire!
 Kill the 
Umpire!"
 shouted a chorus of Green teamsters.  Hank obliged, sending a blue pulse of
 light through the sphere.  He smiled as a green light flashed and the AI
 informed him, "Round one: Complete.  Greens.  Round two begins."  >>

Hi Lezlie,

The gut feeling created by this story is that it shows promise.  I like it. 
The only problem I find is that game parlor gives the wrong feel.  Perhaps 
entertainment complex would work better. The phrase "Green Teamsters up." 
brings up the question of whether green team is up to bat or is simply the 
team in play.  Choosing a different word than 'up' might be a good idea.  If 
I were an editor,  I'd ask to see the rest of this piece.  I have some line 
edits noted, but I assume they cropped up from putting the piece in email. 

Mike S.

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