BASIC RULES FOR CATS WHO HAVE A HOUSE TO RUN
                        Part Three
FOOD:  In order to get the energy to sleep, play, and hamper, a
cat must eat.  Eating, however, is only half the fun.  The other
half is getting the food.
Cats have two ways to obtain food: convincing a human you are
starving to death and must be fed *NOW*; and hunting for
it oneself.  The following are guidelines for getting fed.
A) When the humans are eating, make sure you leave the tip of
your tail in their dishes when they are not looking.
B) Never eat food from your own bowl if you can steal some from
the table.
C) Never drink from your own water bowl if a human's glass is
full enough to drink from.
D) Should you catch something of your own outside, it is only polite
to attempt to get to know it.  Be insistent--your food will usually
not be so polite and try to leave.
E) Table scraps are delicacies with which the humans are unfortunately
unwilling to readily part.  It is beneath the Dignity of a cat to beg
outright for food as lower forms of life such as dogs will, but
several techniques exist for ensuring that the humans don't forget you
exist.  These include, but are not limited to:  jumping onto the lap
of the "softest" human and purring loudly; lying down in the doorway
between the dining room and the kitchen, the Direct Stare, and twining
around people's legs as they sit and eat while meowing plaintively.
SLEEPING:  As mentioned above, in order to have enough energy for
playing, a cat must get plenty of sleep.  It is generally not
difficult to find a comfortable place to curl up.  Any place a human
likes to sit is good, especially if it contrasts with your fur color.
If it's in a sunbeam or near a heating duct or radiator, so much the
better.  Of course, good places also exist outdoors, but have the
disadvantages of being seasonal and dependent on current and previous
weather conditions such as rain.  Open windows are a good compromise.
SCRATCHING POSTS:  It is advised that cats use any scratching post
the humans may provide.  They are very protective of what they think
is their property and will object strongly if they catch you
sharpening your claws on it. Being sneaky and doing it when they
aren't around won't help, as they are very observant.  If you are an
outdoor kitty, trees are good.  Sharpening your claws on a human is a
definite no-no!
HUMANS:  Humans have three primary functions: to feed us, to play
with and give attention to us, and to clean the litter box.  It is
important to maintain one's Dignity when around humans so that they
will not forget who is the master of the house.  Humans need to know
basic rules.  They can be taught if you start early and are
consistent.  You will then have a smooth-running household.
--- WILDMAIL!/WC v4.12 
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