> My daemon will ever be my self-doubt, and I will always be
> overcompensating for it. I feel when I passionately put forth
> an opinion, that even those I care about will turn away.
> Mayhap because it's happened. Mayhap, because I
> allow myself the hubris of thinking that my idiosyncractic
> view of life is somehow too unique to be true. And yet,
> when I voice these deep terrors, I find out that, "No,
> Barb, you feel just like the rest of us."
> [And there's a strange ugly disappointment in that -- I've
> cast myself as so much the odd ball, I've somehow failed
> by being NORMAL.]

Oh, hell, I hear it.... I hear it....

With over 30 certifications behind me, I still feel, "Is there
something I've missed, some crack, some hole, some ..." and on it
goes.

Why *do* we beat ourselves up so? In my case, I suspect it is because
I have never received so much as an attaboy from my biological father
without having to invent a cure for cancer or AIDS or something.

Ego's Bird

They think I have a big fat head,
But they don't know the half of it,
All the hours and hours I practice
Just to have this head eggly shorn.

They were not with me as I read,
Made a target for others' spit,
So when some fact they somehow miss
And I supply, their jabs are torn.

To eat, they did not play the fool,
Or defer to dull direction,
Or pretend Emperors were dressed
In the finest golden garment.

They had before them the best school,
Stroked society's erection,
Told of the cream, they were best,
Because their parents were well-spent.

I learned to chant the "Pretty Please,"
To earn myself a single break,
I learned the Brown Noser's Refrain,
And the art of the Honeyed Word.

So, if my ego bruises these,
If some offense they now should take,
I humbly won't submit again,
And instead, flip my ego's bird.

--
Quinn Tyler Jackson
http://members.shaw.ca/qjackson/
http://members.shaw.ca/jacksonsolutions/


--- Rachel's Little NET2FIDO Gate v 0.9.9.8 Alpha