On Fri, 25 Oct 2002 10:03:53 -0700 Quinn Tyler Jackson 
writes:

> Someone's going to walk up to one of my children and say, "Do you 
> know
> your father is a FRAUD, little girl?"  That kind of thinking is

they would know better
perhaps you need to convince yourSELF that those degrees were earned?
(and, yes, I would read again that you are a full professor on the
strength of your CV -- force that internal sniper to BELIEVE it)

> perhaps retarded.  My daughter, 12, has already made it CLEAR to all
> concerned that she wants to be a writer. She's even planning her
> post-secondary education around that dream ... fine arts programs, 
> et
> cetera.
> 
> So maybe I need to invest in some emotional Kevlar. (Or however 
> that  brand name is spelled.)

and put it on the in- and outside

Speaking from the fragile side of the tracks, where I feel that much of
what I am is so much mylar balloon... flashy skin, but nothing but so
much air for content. the most dangerous of snipers are those who zero in
on our extant self-doubts. And THOSE reopening the self-inflicted wounds,
are the hardest to cure. 
Sometimes we do finally allow ourselves to Believe in Ourselves. 
Sometimes we force ourselves on in spite of our vulnerabilities. [To
whit: every word I'm typing here is forced, and in danger of being
deleted -- because, frankly, what the hell do I know, and why should you
all care? Oh, I am the very image of an Imposter Complex, and not just
here]....

Self examination is no science -- and can hinder rather than cure. 
Still, I'm always asking WHY something should affect me stronger than
another thing -- and often it is, indeed, resonance with doubts I already
posess. And sometimes it's just a shot out of the dark that I just wasn't
ready for. Or the utter shock that there are those who virulently hold an
opinion about you, without even knowing you, so far from your perceived
truth of self.  Oh, yes, the "out there" can maim without any help from
the "in here" -- but the "in here" still should be
locked away from the
weapons cupboard.

For what it's worth, _I_ don't think you're a fraud. 
Your daughter doesn't think you're a fraud.

they're small patches, but perhaps you can start quilting that kevlar
coat???

'Best

Barb


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The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
--"Useful Work Phrases" (unknown)
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As soon as we take one thing by itself, we find it hitched to everything
in the universe. --John Muir

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