S.Taylor wrote:
> Female/feminist privilege checklist:
>
> 1. Do you experience other people paying for your dates, or
occasionally
> even picking up the tab in non-romantic settings? Or paying for
vacations
> when the relationship moves along?

I used to, when I was in high school and university. I paid my half of
the tab or all of it, on occasion. Now of course my husband pays for
everything, because he joyfully goes off to work all day so I can watch
Oprah and plot the feminist takeover of the world....oh, I mean wash
our clothes and clean our house and deal - quite literally, as I have
two toddlers - with shit.

> 2. Do you occasionally experience subservient gestures by the
opposite sex
> (opening doors, giving up a seat in the bus, standing up when you
come in
> the room)?

If someone is in front of me at a door and they see me coming and don't
hold the door, I think they're quite rude. Because when I am going
through a door and see someone coming, I will hold the door for them,
regardless of gender, because unlike some people's parents, my Mama and
Daddy taught me good manners.

I've given up a seat on the bus when I saw someone I thought needed it
more. Men and women, old, young, whatever. Sometimes I didn't, but that
was because I was lazy and being rude. Nobody's perfect.

I'll stand up to greet friends when they come into a room, but I don't
know why that is, I wouldn't call it a subservient gesture....but then
again, it's a gesture of respect for our friendship and how much they
mean to me, if that fits your definition of subservient. I think men
and women standing for each other to show respect that way is quite
lovely and classy, actually.

> 3. Are you able to simply pursue what you are interested in at
university
> without much societal pressure on "breadwinning" - although you could
also
> take that route if it interests you?

Was a single parent while in University, so I pursued a career in
education, because I thought it would be wise career choice and I could
provide for my daughter. So I felt pressure to pick that other than the
fantasy of Women's Studies and Psychology and Obscure Poets that I
dreamed of. You might argue that my choice to raise my daughter on my
own, rather than give her up for adoption, made that pressure of my own
choosing. If that argument appeals to you, I'd suggest that men who
feel the "pressure" you talk about are doing pretty much the same
thing. No one is forcing you to provide for anyone other than yourself.

> 4.a. Have you had to register for selective service? Would you be
ripped
> out of your life and forced to defend your country in time of attack
or
> national emergency? Can you demand strength and full participation in

> society, but then get out of this obligation by pretending to be weak
with
> no influence over society (only when it suits you)?

No to selective service, but that doesn't really matter, as if I was
eligible for it, I would refuse and hightail it somewhere. But I don't
have to worry about that, because - whew - I got the right equipment.
Here's an idea. Instead of worrying about who's going to go next, why
not concentrate your efforts on stopping the war? Go for the long term
view for a change.

> 4.b. Can you come up with any and every excuse to get out of this
without
> being laughed at ("No one should be drafted" - when you would be the
first
> to cower in the corner and demand that someone do something if China
&
> Russia combined and attacked full force - and "If men start wars ..."
when
> women are the majority of voters and the expression is more likely
"Men are
> SENT in wars ..." - exactly what you're trying to get out of - and
> sometimes sent by M. Thatcher, G. Meir, I. Gandhi, B. Bhutto and
others).

Are women the majority in the Congress? In the Senate? Does Mr. Bush
pee standing up, or does he not?

> 5. Will you statistically get a much lighter sentence for exactly the
same
> offense if you commit a crime?

Well, I'd like to go out on a limb here and say, yeah, I sure hope I
do.

> 6. Are you able to take on a job or choose a career route that is
only
> capable of supporting yourself, with no thought to preparing yourself
to
> also support a spouse/children, although you are also free to choose
a more
> difficult career that will bring you more money? Do you not have much

> pressure on you with regard to this?

I have pressure on me to be pretty because that's what men like, sexy
but remarkably also virginal because too sexy means I'm a slut and men
won't marry me and too virginal means I'm a cocktease and men won't
marry me, smart but not too smart because that will scare the men away,
self-supporting but not too successful because men are threatened by
that too, thin but not too thin because that's anorexia and not too fat
because that's obesity and that will scare the men away, be odorless &
almost hairless because women should be as flawless as the magazines
show because flawless women that can't talk back are what men like, and
perpetually cheerful because God help me if I should start to talk
about my feelings or needs or dissatisfactions. Men don't like that.

So, as for you and your pressure, give into it or not. Your choice.

My choice was to say a hearty "fuck you" to the men who fit into the
description above and hunted around until I found an amazing strong and
loving man who accepts and loves all of me, good and bad, and to whom I
am a real, three-dimensional, non-inflatable, strong, vocal and goddam
stubborn woman.

> 7. If you are in a committed relationship, do you have much greater
> flexibility to choose whether you want to work or simply stay at home
(even
> without kids)?

Didn't with my first, I was the only one who showed up to parent. At
the moment, my husband is making more than I could, so the decision as
to who should stay home seemed obvious to both of us. And was just fine
with both of us.

> 8. Will you be called an unemployed loser if you decide to be a
homemaker?

By some people, some of them men and some of them women. Probably not
as many as would call you an unemployed loser if you decided to be a
homemaker. I prefer the term "Fulltime Parent" myself, but if you like
the subservient connotation that "homemaker" has, be my guest.

The stay-at-home Dads I've met have been wonderful men. I can't imagine
any woman calling a man who chooses to stay home and parent his
children a loser. Unless of course he's just drinking beer and watching
football. You know, like how all those "homemakers" are eating Cheetos
and watching Oprah.

> 9. If you have a flat tire on the road, if someone is harassing you
in a
> public place, if an animal attacks you, or if you are lost, will
someone be
> much, much more likely to help you?

Probably not as likely as they are to drive right past or rob, beat,
rape or murder me. Bet I'm more scared to drive somewhere alone at
night than you are.

> 10. Are people generally much nicer to you in public? Are you
sometimes
> given privileged treatment?

Nicer? Um, well, the polite people of either gender probably are. Give
an example of privileged treatment.

> 11. Are you much more capable of "marrying up" - enjoying the money
and
> status that comes with this?

See the answer to question # 6 about pressure to be pretty and thin and
so on.

> 12. Are you statistically much more likely to be given money in a
divorce -
> sometimes huge amounts - even if your behavior caused the divorce
(e.g.
> affair) and even if you didn't work for the money?

Possible. Statistics being as malleable as they are, it's hard to be
sure.

> 13. If you slap a person - or even knock someone's tooth out throwing
your
> Aunt Selma's Christmas mug at that person - is it much more likely to
just
> be viewed as cute, understandable or not a problem?

If I was a cartoon character, maybe. I don't know, maybe it was the
whole "tolerance and acceptance and respect" parenting my Mama and
Daddy practiced, but in my house, slapping and impromptu volunteer
tooth extractions aren't cute at all.

The rest will have to wait. Oprah's on and I have to send the girls to
the store with Daddy's credit card to pick up some more Cheetos.



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