Harold W wrote:
> I've recently met a 40 yr old(very close to my age) who is a very
nice
> person.   She asked me if I desired children.  I responded that I had
a
> desire when younger, but as I have aged, I've become set in my ways
and
> children are not on my radar screen.  She responded with some garbage
like
> "oh I wasn't planning on children either, but when my niece was born,
I
> changed my mind as she is such a sweet girl"    Basically, I was
politely
> trying to tell her we are really too old to have children.  Well not
me, but
> she certainly is.  I certainly would not marry her unless I knew her
for at
> least a year or two.  That would put her at age 42.  Probably take
her a
> year to get pregneant(if she still can)...By the time she pops a
child out
> she will be in her mid-40's.  Not an attractive proposition for me.
> Anyways, she is a sweet girl and I would like to know how I should
tell her
> in a polite tactful fashion "If you want kids, look elsewhere because
I am
> running."

Break up with her.  If she says she can do without kids, don't believe
her, and don't stay with her.  Break up.  Every time you are with her,
you risk getting in trouble, because she knows she hasn't much time,
and she doesn't much care how she stops the ticking clock.  If she has
to decieve you to have a baby, she'll convince herself that it's OK,
and she'll do it.  Get away.

As far as the breakup itself, make it short.  None of this "let's be
friends" business, and no trying to console her.  Take about five
seconds to tell her it's off, and get away.  Don't hang around for the
fallout.  Better yet, do it by phone, and don't listen if they tell you
it's unchivalrous.  If she comes over, do not answer the door.
Whatever you do, don't let her in your house, because she may not
leave, and if you toss her out, it's assault.

Ever heard the song "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover?"  It doesn't talk
about politeness or tact.  Paul Simon just says to get it done and move
on.  Of course, he said it much more poetically than I:

"Hop on the bus, Gus,
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And set yourself free."



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