Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday
in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife.
Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of
irgins
a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% this June,
from 72 to 54. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of
he
number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the
afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs
or
B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members
and immediately balloted for strike action.

General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally
working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in
return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth."

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he currently
resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We sympathize
ith
our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is not in a position to meet their demands.
They are not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive
marketplace."

"Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the
afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying
eople
off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell 3000 of my staff
that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

Spokespersons for the union in the Northeast of England, Ireland, Wales and the
entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect their
operations as "There are no virgins in our areas anyway".

Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down to the
emergence of the Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle - now that Muslims know
hat
a virgin looks like, they are not so keen on going to paradise.

ENJOY!!!

From Uncle Dirty Dave's Kitchen
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