To: trekcreative{at}yahoogroups.com
From: "ronwaldyo" 
Reply-To: trekcreative{at}yahoogroups.com

-+- In trekcreative{at}yahoogroups.com,  wrote:
>
> I really took up this style as an imitation of
> Robert B Parker.  I think it suits me.
> To suggest,  subtly.

I would agree.  You had me captivated the whole way through the story.


> >You did a wonderful job of making all the characters
> >human and giving them human motivations.
>
> Thank you!  That's really where the Rubber meets the road.

You did an excellent job.  If a writer can give me characters that come off
as full human beings, then usually he or she has got me.


> >The scenes where he worked his way into getting
> >information from the LAPD and especially the asst. coroner,
> >Billy, were great and not only gave the reader information
> >that moved the story forward, but also revealed a lot
> >about Angelo and the kind of person he is and how he
> >operates as a cop.
>
> How is that? (Curious)

I thought it showed us that Angelo will bend the rules to get to the bottom
of something.  It established early on he wasn't going to just give up on
this.

He's also not above lying even to people he considers friends to get the
information he needs.  I didn't feel he went over the line to out and out
"using" Billy, but he did allow Billy to assume a number of
things without correcting his friend.

And it told us that he's a fairly bright and inventive guy.


> This is the Trek lesson.  Technobable has it's
> place.  That's always in the background.

Exactly!


> This is one of three main functions of the SIS
>
> A) a dumpng ground for the "Weirdoes"
> B) A political fire wall,  they can investigate the
> crimes that discomfit the powers that be, because
> they're theoretically deniable.
> C) To handle weird cases that offend the world view
> of the more traditional VCPD.

You could produce a whole series of stories on bullet point "B" alone. :)


> This stems from the form.  The clash of wills between
> the Villain and protagonist is the supreme thing in
> this sort of detective story.  Also as a short story,
> I couldn't afford to deviate to far from the main thrust
> of the story.  In a novel you can, but I have not written
> a Vista City novel (Yet...)

I can see that.

A Vista City novel? Sounds like a good idea to me. :)


> There is a difference, although a subtle one between
> detective fiction, and mystery fiction.  In Mysteries,
> who dunnit and how are the question.  It's a battle of
> wits between the detective, circumstance and the villain.
> In detective fiction, it's more of a direct contest of
> will.  The detective is determined to resolve the crime,
> the villain determined to stop the detective.  it's more
> a story about how far each side will take the confrontation,
> with occasional fisticuffs and gun battles thrown in to
> emphasize the point.

That makes sense.


> In the End I'd hoped to convey the idea that, While
> Brown Was an ass and a control freak, he had a good
> guy inside in that he belated realized angelo was on
> to something.  perhaps I was too subtle there.

For me he just came off as a hard-ass.  But I didn't feel he got in the way
of the story.


> >Why did Mangar and Souza show up out in the desert?  How
> >did they know where to show up?
>
> This is one of two secret weaknesses in the whole thing.
> How did they?  I figured that, Altered by Angelo's return
> to L.A., they were shadowing him from about the time Uhura
> was pulled over.
>
> Why didn't the professional assassins, pros that they were,
> notice that it was a plain wrap cop car follwing them out
> in the desert?
>
> Ummm.... because.  (they blew their shadowing roll! That's
> the ticket!)

I took another look at that and did notice there is a quick line in
installment #10 where Uhura is being "questioned" by Brown about
Angelo and she tells him she doesn't know where he is and then:

from Water Dictatorship:
"Damn!" Brown cursed.  He stomped out of the interrogation room.
"Get me Souza and Mangar!"

I wasn't sure if, after a second look, this was what got them out following Angelo.


> The second secret weakness in my Detective stories  so
> far is this - they end in a hail of gun fire.  All of
> them.  it's like I jam the characters up together with
> differing goals and motivations and then can never
> resolve it without someone shooting someone else.

Well, it is a detective story afterall.  A little gunfire here and there is
to be expected, but I see your point. Though in this story, I didn't think
the gunfire scenes at the end were out of place.


> Cool!  I think all the main PCs of the Vista City
> stories are displayed better in "Long Arms"  Even
> though I had to work with some strange conceptions.

"Long Arms" is on my reading list and I'm very much looking forward to it.


> Thank you for your feed back, Michael.  I really
> appreciate it, and the effort it took!
>
> Jay ~Meow!~

Thank you for the enjoyable story.

-Michael Gray
Star Trek: Dark Horizon
http://hometown.aol.com/darkhrzn91701/main.htm



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