Subject: Re: [trekcreative] CHURCH= ILL 1.1=20 part one. While your piece is a fairly=20 straightforward, competently executed intro, you lose more than=20 a few points because there are more than half a dozen edit= orial=20 errors in just that one small sample... and I'm not counting the stu= ff=20 that simply marks you as a citizen of the British Empire vis-a-vis a=20 nitpicky Yank like me. "He knew that most of his life for five = years=20 would be spent [here] and the idea filled him with a strange sense o= f=20 pride." You dropped the bracketed word, = I=20 daresay. "Lieutenant, are the microfractures bad = enough=20 that you will need to replace those deck plates?". The period at the end of the sen= tence is=20 superfluous. "'I=92ll have to replace it then go over= any=20 plating from the same shipment incase the flaw is common to all of=20 them'. "In case" is not one=20 word. "Brand smiled, he knew that Lieutenant T= abitha=20 Burke, informally known to her friends as Tabby, was on her first tour of= duty=20 as Chief Engineer and she was determined nothing was wrong." "Smiled" should be followed by a= period,=20 semi-colon or even a full colon. A comma is the one piece of punctuation= =20 giving insufficient pause there. In addition, that third "was" should pro= bably=20 read "would go," instead. "'Understood, Contact Starfleet Command = if you=20 need any more engineering crew'." "Contact" should be lower case i= n the=20 above sentence; and, again, the comma before it is insufficient paus= e. It=20 requires a period or semi-colon. He was going to be commanding a untried = ship and=20 crew into unknown territory, far beyond the range of instantaneous subspa= ce=20 communication. That should be "an untr= ied=20 ship." The crew would essentially be on it=92s = own should=20 they encounter anything dangerous. "It's" should be "its" in the ab= ove=20 sentence. Seven paragraphs... nine errors.=20 While none are particularly damning, together they make the exce= rpt=20 look sloppy and unprofessional. I'd love to read Churchill... bu= t I=20 shan't if I have to plow through unedited prose. I hope you're not offended; you = did ask=20 for feedback.Star=20 Trek; The E-mail CommandsPost message:=20 trekcreative{at}yahoogroups.comSubscribe:=20 trekcreative-subscribe{at}yahoogroups.comUnsubscribe:=20 trekcreative-unsubscribe{at}yahoogroups.comList owner:=20 trekcreative-owner{at}yahoogroups.comGet Digest:=20 trekcreative-digest{at}yahoogroups.comWeb only: =20 trekcreative-nomail{at}yahoogroups.comNormal:=20 trekcreative-normal{at}egroups.com Your use of Yahoo! Group= s is=20 subject to the Yahoo!">http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/">Yahoo! Terms= of=20 Service. Yahoo! Groups Spons= or ADVERTISEMENThttp://rd.yahoo.com/M=3D244522.3512152.4794593.1261774/= D=3Degroupweb/S=3D1705019987:HM/A=3D1595056/R=3D0/SIG=3D124bf4lrb/*http://a= shnin.com/clk/muryutaitakenattogyo?YH=3D3512152&yhad=3D1595056" alt=3D"">http://us.a1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/a/qu/quinstreet/300x250_uofp_ye= llow-arrows2.gif" alt=3D"Click Here!" width=3D"300" height=3D"250" border= =3D"0"> 3D""

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