Hi!

I'm pretty sure that I've seen this one before but it was still worth a
giggle . . . and I need a giggle now-a-days . . .

Russ

PS, the Austin, TX citation is coincidence.
--------- Forwarded message ----------
Subject: FW: kids

Thank heaven for little girls!

______________________________________________________


For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. For
those who have children this age, this is not funny. For those who have
children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet
had
children, this is birth control. The following came from an anonymous
Mother in Austin, Texas:

Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4
inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a
Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to
spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
using
a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before
you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by
a
ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too
late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year  old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't
walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show
they
do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not
like
ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true story: One
day
the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little  Pigs
to
her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was
trying
to accumulate the building materials for his home.
She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full
of
straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to
build
my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you
think
that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he
said...'Holy sh_t! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for
the
next 10 minutes.
25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.




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